Can We Escape the male Created Myth of Femininity?

I was out running errands today when my breasts got on my nerves. Some of you know what I mean by experience, the rest of you can empathize.


I am almost 50, and I have stopped performing femininity for males, mostly. I stopped shaving all of my body hair, only to find out that it is not all that visible, anyway, which is usually the case. I no longer wear makeup, except for when I actually want to, which might be twice a year. I stopped coloring my hair about 8 months ago. These are just a few things among many that I am able to do.

My breasts are a D, and you can imagine the amount of male perving I took from 11 years old, when they seemingly showed up overnight. Males believe that we have breasts AT them, as if we exist just to distract them, pushing their breast fetish onto us, as if we are doing something TO them to deny the reality of yet another male chosen perversion.

I had to, of course, wear a bra because, otherwise, males are distracted by breasts that are not somehow bound, and ERMAHGERD, PLEASE CONCEAL NIPPLES, MALES PRETEND WE DON’T HAVE NIPPLES, DO NOT RUIN THEIR DREAM OF NIPPLELESS WOMEN COVER COVER COVER. (Except for a brief time in the 90s, when Victoria secret sold “caps” that were worn on female nipples, specifically to make them prominent. Thanks to Sex and the City.)

I am afraid to stop wearing a bra. For many reasons.

Women are supposed to disappear, according to male mythology, but I assure you, we do not. I am 50, and I still get a fuck ton of unwanted male attention, and that has nothing to do with attractiveness. Males want us to believe the lie that we are somehow safe from male “attention” and that we can age out of fuckability, which is bullshit. Just look at this woman. And these women. Males are opportunists, more than anything else. Absolutely no standards. At all.

I hate wearing a bra, but more than that, I hate feeling mandated to wear a fucking bra. Going braless is about comfort, but males lack the ability to understand that not everything is about them, so of course, refusing to wear a bra can cause a male to rape you in manworld because your clothing is always about their pathetic penis.

I have made a little progress, though, and this is what I am down to now, a bandaeu. And I actually had a male fucking ask me about it, if you can believe it.* Anyway, I get them for 5 bucks at Walmart. I am hoping that I can eventually convince myself that my body is really my own, and act as I want to.

So my dear sisters. What aspects of femininity have you managed to ditch? And what consequences, if any, have you paid? Are there aspects that you wish that you could get rid of, but you are unable to let it go? What are they?

And a little note to any of my sisters that may want to participate in the comments on internet forums, but are too shy, or afraid that they will say the wrong thing, or afraid of sounding stupid, or are just too intimidated for any reason. You, dear sisters, are welcome to jump in here. No one will make fun of you, I promise, you have my word. And if you say something and want it removed, there is always the delete button, and if you can’t find it, I can. I want to hear what you have to say, if you want to say it.😉

*I was going through security at the courthouse, and I kept setting off the walk through thing. There was nothing in my pockets, and no reason for the machine to be alerting, all I could think of were the metal buckle on my boots. The security male said something about my breasts, I was SURE that I had misheard, but NOPE. He then gestures vaguely at my chest area and says “well, I KNOW you ain’t got no underwires” , to which I said “excuse me?” I was stunned into silence for a half a second, then I said “why are you looking at my breasts so closely” and he got super mad and he informed me that nobody would be interested in that, and that *I* was a pervert for talking to a strange man about my breasts. So. Male reversal/shame combo to put me back in my place.



32 thoughts on “Can We Escape the male Created Myth of Femininity?

  1. Sorry everyone above, wanted to like your comments but having techy problems (probably the adblocker 🙂 )

    Yep Jayne, we are always expected to smile (while clenching our buttock cheeks) and be thankful (yes thankful) that some random passing male noticed we existed when he was being a vengeful moronic shit . And then we should kneel at the altar of his magnificence…

    Ooops, what’s that you say Goddess?? There’s another altar, one where we can dance free under the moon and the sun and where you lift us into the air, so we can fly freely and drop the chains that bind us. Oh and look. The Goddess has a knife and we can celebrate using it against those who oppress us, why do we keep letting them raise knives against us while we smile and clinch our buttocks.

    I was raised in a fundamentalist religious household. In my house Eve was created from the bit of the rib that Adam didn’t need. So we (females) were the garbage god created from when we were first born so we could serve the men. It didn’t take my end too well, in fact not at all.

    I’m not religious now (and probably never will be) but I’m not averse at all to becoming an incarnation of a balancing Goddess (assuming she finds me worthy 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I shaved my head almost a year ago and haven’t done anything to it since. I didn’t do it for any reason about rejecting having long dyed hair, it will be long again soon enough and I’ll dye it again at some point whenever I feel like it. I just felt like it but I did feel like some solidarity with all these women shaving their hair in protest against these dictates on what we should do.
    I actually love my white streaks and it makes my hair more beautiful than it’s ever been. The pure white looks like strands of glitter against my dark hair that sparkle in the light.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Ditch the bras! I haven’t worn one for at least six years. It seems such a bizarre thing to me now and I would never wear one again. When I stopped wearing them I was wearing camisoles instead for a while but now I only bother with that if a particular shirt needs one by being a bit see through without it.

    My whole body feels able to move so much freer. It restricts your movements more than you realize until you stop wearing them and you feel able to move so much more naturally. The weight of your breasts moves as it is meant to and doesn’t weigh you down they way they do if they are bound.


      1. I have big breasts. Not wearing a bra is horrible. They slide around get in my way, tug and swing and are a nightmare without being securely secured.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thanks for the welcome 🙂

        What I’ve learned from extensive reading of what many women say about this plus my own experiences is that basically if you wear a bra normally it hurts or is uncomfortable to go without one, if you don’t wear a bra normally it hurts or is uncomfortable to be wearing one. I’ve seen “training” bras for young girls described as training your breasts to need a bra, which seems pretty much accurate. It doesn’t seem to matter much how big they are, up to a certain point where it might matter for women with actually huge breasts that are so big it’s to the point where it’s a medical issue. But just having big breasts definitely doesn’t require anything to support them if you’re not normally wearing anything and women with small breasts who are regular bra wearers feel pain/discomfort without them. Mine are fairly big and bounce a lot but I don’t experience it as pain, it’s just normal movements of my body. If I was going to do some serious running and jumping type of exercise, which I haven’t been well enough to do in a while anyway, I would wear a sports bra while I did it and then take it off afterwards. I see it similar to how men wear a cup for sports, their balls need protection while they are doing a particular activity but they don’t go around needing ball protection in every day life.

        I think a lot of the idea that women with big breasts need bras to avoid pain/discomfort is because we are brainwashed and shamed into it so much that it’s more likely that women with big breasts will wear them regularly then her body becomes accustomed to it where she actually does need them. Think about how ridiculous this thought is- that our bodies are naturally unable to support their own weight without a support device. It really makes no sense. It’s creating an actual handicap where women are unable to function normally in their body without a support device to hold up the weight of the body parts. The restriction of movement is now being seen as a cancer causing agent and they have been doing all these studies about the connection of bras to breast cancer. It keeps the lymph nodes from functioning properly and holds toxins from being able to move throughout the system and be eliminated, instead they build up and cause cancerous cells to develop.

        Liked by 2 people

      3. I agree with everything that you say, and I have found it to be true. I have 2 kind of personal issues with not wearing a bra that hang me up.

        The first is that I still get male attention, it really never ends, and I have that thought stuck in my head that if I don’t wear a bra, then I am causing erections, and if a male assaults me, then what did I expect? When I left the house, without a bra, on purpose, having breasts AT males, I *had* to know that males would notice and that they would react with sexual violence, obviously, I was asking for it!

        I don’t think that I will ever overcome that fear. And I know that what I do or don’t do will not affect the actions of males, I mean, they are opportunistic shits, they rape literally anyone or anything that they think they can get away with. But the fear remains.

        Also, and this is really the more important of the 2 reasons, is that I get a rash underneath my breasts, especially in the summer, and a soft bra that lifts them a little bit is really a lot more comfortable for me, most of the time, because of that.

        I really don’t go out all that much, anyway, and I don’t wear a bra in the house. Recently, I was in my yard in a t shirt and shorts, and a male that was driving by in a truck, yelled out of his window about my “tiddies”. In my own yard.

        If males are going to be walking around in public, they should either be mute or wearing a shock collar that all women can access with a universal control button, so we can shock them to shut them the fuck up.

        Liked by 3 people

      4. The shock collar idea sounds pretty great! I think that the problem though is that some of them would like it and get purposely shocked. It sucks how you really can’t do anything to upset then back when they are doing something upsetting because so many of them enjoy fucked up things. If you tell a guy how disgusting he is, he is as likely to masturbate to that than if you were to just go ahead and flash him. Anything and everything is porn to them.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. It’s really despicable how they won’t let us just exist even in our own yards and they always have to interject their bullshit into everything. When my dog was alive and I used to spend lots of time outside they were so horrible I just started stay in my yard but then there were still too many of them doing all their shit that I always felt worn out simply from being around them. I’m afraid for strange men to know where I live too because they might use that information to do something awful.

        It’s definitely not a thing though that if you dress “sexy” they are more likely to bother you. I used to dress super sexy when I was younger and men were so much nicer and more respectful and they would mostly just look and stay away. I never thought things were all that bad back then. Then when I started looking sickly and hurt my knee so I couldn’t walk right and was looking pained and sometimes crying from how much everything hurt, suddenly I was looking soo good that they just had to tell me about how good I look and follow me around making sure I know that they’re intently watching me. What really looks “good” to most of them is if we look like easy prey.

        Liked by 1 person

      6. “Once a male targets you, nothing you do matters. Every response makes them escalate.”

        It seems that frightening them might make them retreat. I don’t have a large sample; but in my case, letting the perp neighbors know that I will shoot them, coupled with the failure of the police to successfully get a judge to take the gun away from me, apparently caused perp family to give up on harassing me. They still annoy me occasionally with excessive noise or something; but they no longer run at me and try to push my motorcycle over while I’m riding it, for instance. They no longer even yell that I look like a man. In fact when I go out, they usually go inside. The change in their behavior has been dramatic and satisfying.

        Liked by 1 person

      7. Agreed.

        But nothing stops them to prevent them from getting to that point.

        We should be able to shut males down before it gets to the point of us having to threaten violence as self defense.

        So much male bullshit is just indefensible, and it’s built into their society, and we are all just supposed to accept it. For example, we have age of consent laws, and no one ever thinks about or addresses that it is horrifying that we have to have these laws to keep males from raping little girls en masse. The fact that these laws are necessary, and even then, males don’t enforce them or obey them nearly enough, speaks volumes about the ruling class. We are not angry enough.

        I had a male verbally harrass me in a bank, a year or 2 ago, I suppose that he had an erection, and he tried to make me responsible for it. He was commenting on my body, and as I looked around, I saw everyone else, which were mostly women, looking everywhere else, trying to ignore what this male was doing to me, like he was asserting his right to verbally attack me because we all knew that none of us could stop him.

        So I told him to shut the fuck up and stop bothering me. As punishment for speaking back, he waited just outside of the door for me to walk out. And he followed me to my car, as I silently walked as quickly as I could. Which seemed to make him angrier.

        This world is unacceptable for us, and males make it that way. Males should not have the right to harass us. And when we tell them to leave us alone, they should have to shut their fucking mouths. And they should never be allowed to get to the point where we have to threaten them to get them to back off.

        It’s bad enough in public, but at your own fucking house? And the police attempting to take your chosen method of self defense? Unacceptable.

        But I am glad you backed them down. Fuck those assholes. Their mother should have left them in the bottom of a glass jar.

        Liked by 1 person

      8. It’s pretty hard to frighten them though when you are tiny and not remotely physically intimidating. I kind of wish we could just carry weapons out around openly. By the time it escalates to the point of saying I would shoot them to let them know I was armed they’d have to have acted really threatening already. So it can’t prevent the horrible behavior just maybe being armed can protect from the worst of it. Then the cops are never helpful and you might get punished for anything, plus plenty of them are rapey maniacs, so there’s always that to worry about.

        Liked by 1 person

      9. For what it’s worth, I’d installed security cameras on my house before the gun event. The video seemed persuasive in court for keeping my gun. Perp family, being not bright, assumed they were out of camera range when they weren’t; so to an extent maybe you could say the cameras were some deterrence at an earlier stage.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m 52 and stopped dyeing my hair ten years ago – have silver liberally sprinkled throughout – I’ve only had 2 or 3 negative comments from males in the last 10 years (eg ‘you’d look hot(ter) if you dyed your hair, you’ve let yourself go etc)

    If they go towards ‘attractiveness’, my come back is ‘I’m not paid enough to hear your sexual fantasies about what turns you on.. save that til you get home in front of your computer’ And I say it very loudly so everyone around us hears, I’m not usually loud so it sticks when I am. (Males will guffaw about this but you have to know your audience.) (I work in engineering which is totally male dominated)

    I wear hiking boots to work 364 out of 365 days a year, I wear dress boots only if I am presenting in front of the board and the CEO or something like a job interview (and I work in multinationals) If heels are a workplace thing at your end, may I suggest you talk to your Dr as any Dr worth their salt knows how bad heels are for women and will give you an ambiguous certificate saying you can’t wear them (the evidence is overwhelming about how bad they are). If your Dr won’t and you are lucky enough to have a choice, find one who will. If they won’t support you for not wearing high heels, they won’t support you if something seriously goes wrong. Also if you are getting pinged on makeup, tell your Dr you are allergic to most makeup and invent blisters, dermatitis, whatever if you don’t want to wear it. We aren’t being treated fair so why should we play fair.

    THE most important thing I have learned is to be loud when nasty men are nasty. Make sure you let everyone knows exactly what they said, eg ‘did you really just ask me why I am not being compliant? then FFS, get a sex doll already’ Also humour. They HATE it when you laugh in their face and let everyone share the joke when they are trying to put you down.

    Also accountability in front of their peers. I yelled at my boss after I had asked him nicely to get out of the system because hacking meltdown. After we established it WAS a hacking meltdown, he demanded an apology in front of the really important people who had power over all of us as he wasn’t the hacker. I told him (loudly) he would be waiting a long time, like forever, as he hadn’t logged out when I asked him to and blamed him for making me yell at him ‘hello DV fuckers, borrowing from you 🙂 ‘ He then tried to say he had been fearful I would punch him out (even though he was a good foot taller and 70kgs more body weight and had convictions for domestic violence which everyone knew about).

    My response was to look him in the eye and say ‘I never punch people out” and as I was turning away, I said ‘well not in public anyway’ in a very soft voice that everyone heard. I expected the wrath of the gods to fall upon me. I got a promotion. Seems like pretty much everyone had been scared of him and didn’t realise that laughing at him and calling his bluff would work. My workplace is not ideal, it’s not even that good but it pays enough I might be able to retire by the time I am 65.

    Liked by 4 people



      This comment made my day!

      The most important thing here is BE LOUD. When a dude is bothering you, BE. LOUD.

      I try to be loud, and I try to take up space. I am small, and after all of my life, I still fold in on myself, even when it’s absolutely unnecessary. I catch myself, and I purposely stand with my feet apart, shoulders back and up, and let my arms hang naturally, instead of holding them in or folding them up.

      Also, I am glad see you.

      Liked by 3 people

      1. I’m small too and I curl up in a ball on a regular basis even though I also win on a regular basis. The world has changed but it’s still not as kind as we need.

        It used to be that women were nowhere on the sphere of things but these days you come into work and when they (men) are having meltdowns you can say LOUDLY ‘I am not your mother, your wife, your female child (vomit on the female child)’ I will help you with your legal problems (my expertise) but you need to talk to your wife about all those other problems you have, not me (not having a crack at wives but FFS when you are on the job it’s not my job to sort your family shit out)

        LOUD is the most important thing you can be when men are nasty because it is so unexpected by men, it really is. They do not expect us to be loud ever and when we are, they expect us to back down straight away. They are LOUD all the time and they see it as their god given right. I really love the fact the fact about how being loud and nasty right back at them make them crawl back up their own aresholes.

        The good news is that when we are loud and channel the DV fucker within us ( I too can gaslight you, you fool and if you ever try to neg me again, I can prove to you (and everyone else) how small your dick is.

        Good lord – this works on pretty much all of them. I’ve never physically abused anyone. Never plan to, but I do a really mean line of self defence !!!

        Liked by 2 people

      2. I am convinced that femininity dictates that we always smile and be kind to males is not to try to placate an angry male, but to make us an easier victim of male violence and dominance.

        I look traditionally “feminine”, by pure accident of nature, being small, big breasts for my frame, so males expect me to “feminine” at them. They are SHOCKED when I respond to them, because my response is decidedly UNfeminine.

        They look so fucking butthurt. Like I am supposed to be basking in all this male attention that I didn’t ask for and don’t want, so when I bark at them, they don’t know what to do.

        Males demand that we submit to them because that makes it much easier for them to abuse us. I have zero tolerance for male bullshit. The kindest reply that they ever get from me is a loud WHAT? Their reaction is pathetic, but also funny.

        If all of us refused to show them random kindness, ask them about their day, smile at them, coddle them, like big fucking disgusting babies, if males had to walk through the world without us patting them on the heads, and giving them the attention that they so desperately want, they would learn their place very quickly.

        Liked by 2 people

    2. Hahaha I wish I had you as a workmate in some of the heinous “boiler rooms” I’ve worked in over the years….or at least the ovaries and quick wit to make those comments myself. LOLz

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m 74 years old and I never used make up. And I know few women who do. As a 2nd waver I’ve spend much time with feminist, we talked about everything but not about femininity, I think there was no urgent reason to do that. Although here too there was the influence of Hollywood movies, advertising…

    I think there is a difference between Europe – were I life – and the U.S.A.. I notice that in the U.S.A. it is unfeminine to have short hair. Here, in Belgium, most women have short hair and none or few make up.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Hi Jayne,
    I have stopped wearing make up as well. I have never painted my nails or have spent money on manicures and pedicures. I dress like men do–no plunging necklines or tight, restrictive clothing. Here is my disclaimer. I have never worked where my appearance was needed to sell a product/service. I have worked in public education and now recently with senior citizens. Most of my direct supervisors and co-workers have been women. While some have been snarky about my lack of feminine compliance, most of the time they are just happy I show up for work and do my job.

    I know this is going to sound awful, but no judgment, right? I no longer go to weddings, bridal showers, or baby showers. I just don’t see any reason to celebrate women having PIV. I do attend celebrations recognizing a friend or colleague obtaining an advanced degree, promotion or paying off her mortgage!!!

    I also stopped wearing sexed up bathing suits. I love to spend time at the beach and swim in the ocean. I wear swim shorts that come down mid-thigh with a built in panty. So no shaving the pubes!!! They are so comfortable and I can wear them on the boardwalk and not have my ass cheeks hanging out.

    So yea, giving up femininity clears the mind, eases worries and saves money. Happy to put most of it behind me. Thanks for the great post! Take Care.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. I agree about the weddings and the other things.

      Weddings irritate me because it was originally about male arrogance and general assholery. Like they were saying “I AM SO RICH, I THROW BIG EXPENSIVE PARTY TO THANK YOU FOR PURCHASING MY PURE DAUGHTER PROPERTY”.

      And I have definitely had jobs where I was warned about my performance of femininity being less than stellar.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s no hobby, it’s the only way they can prove they excist.

        Deep inside they know they are of no use. The only thing that they contribute to life is their sperm, That’s why they hate life and try to destroy it.

        They make their dick the center of their lives although it is proof of their defeat.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. They are genetically incomplete. It seems like they are in some kind of endless, existential crisis because they understand that they are broken, on some level.

        Instead of dealing with their own feelings of self hatred and dread internally, as their own personal issue, they turn the rage outwards and punish us for not being broken, as they are.

        We don’t need them for anything. They need us for everything. And they hate us for it.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. I have stopped wearing make-up and high heels to work. I would rather have the extra 20 minutes in the morning to be with my children before school, and I can no longer be arsed carrying heels in my bag to change into at work as I wear flats to catch bus and walk to office from bus stop – unless of course I have a meeting with a man and I want the extra height as a power play (my heels put me at over 6 feet – a massive advantage if played right).

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I read recently that women are bathing in a vast variety of chemicals every day in the form of cosmetics, lotions, creams, etc. All of that can’t possibly be healthy.

      If you don’t mind, did you stop wearing makeup all at once? Or did you gradually phase it out? And did anyone say anything to you about it?

      Some places make cosmetics unofficially mandatory, so I was just curious if you had any pushback, if you don’t mind to share. And people, both male and female, tell me that I look “tired”, lol. I suppose that will never stop.


      1. Meghan Murphy did a podcast on that!

        Not sure to answer your question….I’ve gone through phases. I was never really one for makeup anyway – it always took too much time and effort. I would wear it for events, but for ordinary days, I wouldn’t bother.

        As my current job is corporate I was wearing it for first few weeks and then I couldn’t be bothered. Too hard getting ready myself with two 6 year olds and a 3 year old to get ready and do the school drop off before even doing the mad dash on public transport to city to be at my desk by 8.30am 🤣

        I’m fortunate to have good skin and good bone structure, so I can kind of “get away” with it. Thinking about it, I suppose I “mitigate” that with wearing glasses, jewellery, dramatic haircuts and tailored clothes.

        But overall, I’ve never really given too many f**ks about what people think of me. I always enjoyed dressing contrarily or quirky, or literally setting rules at school (shaved my head at 15, my strict all-girls school then bought in a rule”no buzz cuts” hahaha).

        I suspect the fact that I have self-confidence and independence was why I attracted so many assholes in my younger years – they all tried to crush and control me. Took me a while to figure that one out.

        Liked by 1 person

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