We are just drowning in male ideas about everything, so much so, that the only Women that are allowed a large platform are regurgitating the same old male ideas, the male viewpoints, the male opinions. Women that rail against male supremacy will always be silenced, if their audience gets too big.
I know what males think about everything.
I want to know what YOU think.
Specifically, I want to know your thoughts about death and dying.
When I first began looking for Feminist/woman centered thoughts about death, I was shocked to find very little information. Death seems like it would be a subject that is acknowledged frequently by women, not only do we die of the same diseases and accidents that kill males, but we also die in ways that only women do. We die in pregnancy and childbirth, we die from complications from childbirth months after the birth. We die from male Violence, in multiple ways, males murder us with guns, knives, with their bare hands, for no reason at all. Male toxicity kills us.
We also deal with a lot of the death and dying. Nurses are majority female, and women took care of the dead until males turned it into a profit generating dick fest.
I found many studies that cited stats that were unsurprising, that showed that women were not as afraid of dying as males are, that women are more likely to acknowledge and talk about their own impending death than males are. Males seem to be obsessed with finding a way to live forever, which is pathetically ironic, considering that they cause most of the death and dying.
So. Tell me.
Are you afraid of dying?
Are you afraid of what may happen after death?
What do you think happens after we die?
How do you want to be remembered?
What are your thoughts on burial? Cremation?
Do you want a funeral? Or a living funeral, aka a celebration of life?
What has your experience of death been so far?
And anything else that you want to tell us, or talk about.
Claire Wineland was born with cystic fibrosis, and she made a lot of YouTube videos until her death a little over a year ago at the age of 21. She didn’t shy away from talking about death in general or specifically, her own death.
During treatment for breast cancer, a tumor was found in Ellie’s brain. I enjoyed hearing her story, and her perspective of her own death. I would have liked a full 30 minutes about her, there was a little too much focus on the other PEOPLE, but it’s still her story, and I appreciated it……….
Finally, from sin big, who posts here as sinbigger, some woman centered thoughts about death and Violence…..
There are a lot of our stories out there, they are almost buried by focus on the males, even when it’s supposed to center a woman or girl. So let’s talk. I want to know your thoughts.
This is what I am going to look like after I die……
…………and I WILL be dancing. So wave at me if you see me. It’s always a good idea to be friendly to the dancing dead lady. 😋
Jayne
RadFemSpiraling 
Hi sisters, just a brief comment, because I saw some sisters here talking about suicide. As far as I know, in my beliefs, readings, etc., we are having the 3D experience for a reason and the experience of killing the physical body can be traumatic and cause a very disturbing transition to 4D, I think it should be avoided.
In the video of Amy Call that I posted in my previous comment, she briefly reports about encountering a group of people with “suicidal minds” or “suicidal [careless] lifestyles” that lead to the death of their bodies before the 3D “mission” was complete. She says that these people were being “received” [helped] by a person with deep sense of *humility* who was helping them to complete their transition to 4D, otherwise, I think, they would be in a state of chaos and confusion for a long time [many “years” perhaps].
I believe in prayers and miracles and I think we can always ask our divine Mother, or the Source as Amy calls Her, for help. ❤
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The link again,
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Here is a very interesting video that I just watched on YT that gives more details about the survival of consciousness beyond death, as I said in my previous comment.
The person who talks in the video, Laurin, is a medical professional specialist in intensive care medicine,
Laurin Bellg – Near-Death Experiences in the ICU
Death is just a transition and for normal people, with non traumatic lives, a transition for a better, less chaotic, 4D life.
We [humans] are slowly learning these truths.
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Thanks. I will check it out now!🙂
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I enjoyed that.
I noticed that in the examples that she gave that involves males experiencing NDE, that their families believed them, while the families of the women that experienced NDE either didn’t believe them, or got angry at how crazy she was being by insisting talking about her experience.
So here is yet another area where males are generally believed and supported, while Women are called crazy, with their families responding with varying degrees of anger and embarrassment.
The other thought that I had was about Warren, the guy with the cancer, that called the doctor and asked for specific medical tests while he wasn’t sick, but he had seen that apparition or the manifestation of his cancer. It’s a good thing that he is male, because doctors would never test a woman based on that experience.
I enjoyed the video, thank for recommending it, it’s difficult to find anything about these types of things without a Christian bent, so I appreciate the secular view.
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Thanks for your reply radfemspiraling, I agree that women and men with NDE encounter different treatment and acceptance, as if men are allowed to be “different” and behave and experience whatever they want, but women must follow the rules otherwise we are “crazy”, like in the times of witch hunting, etc.
I found this video after briefly watching a couple of Christian related ones, which have nothing new to add because their views are so biased by their religion.
Consciousness involves not only perception but also projection of our beliefs into the world.
I also found the following link of the Amy Call NDE, which I’ve already watched before, which has perhaps the most interesting NDE account that I’ve ever seen.
Part of my present beliefs about “after death”, or 4D realm as I like to call it, was strongly influenced by her story and other similar ones that I read or heard elsewhere, e.g. that the Sun looks different, less harmful, in 4D, etc.
In particular, she talks about a different perception of time-space and “colors” during her experience which is more detailed and sophisticate than the brief descriptions of the previous video.
If you have a time to watch it I think you’ll like, 🙂
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I had the same thought about the guy asking to get tested for cancer. Doctors have refused to test me for illnesses when I’ve exhibited symptoms of them for years!
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Hi Fran, thanks for sharing those videos. Amy’s was very interesting. I want to believe there’s a beautiful place we go when we die, or that we become part of divine consciousness, but what if these experiences are akin to a hallucinogenic trip the brain concocts out of rapidly shifting biochemistry as the body dies?
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A woman commented on Facebook that she wanted to live in a woman’s community but they are all in the US and she’s in the UK. So I said that she could make her own, other people did it so she can too, that’s what I’d like to do as well. Then another woman said she wanted that too. So one of them made a group chat to talk about ideas for it. It turns out they are both British. It sounds like they live near each other. Then they started talking about being Jewish. They are talking about all this British stuff and Jewish stuff that I only partially understand. I got them talking together and they’re both British Jewish lesbian women wanting to build a women’s community, how fucking cool is that? Maybe they will start one together.
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Absolutely!! 🙂 💜
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Here is the link to my post at spinster
https://spinster.xyz/@FranGershwing/posts/9yE0mbSdrpRCsxvLGa
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😀🥰💕
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Did you have any awareness before you popped into existence? No. Billions of years had rolled on and there was no you. Thus it will be after this brief encounter with reality, and an exceedingly improbable event it has been, all things considered. Personally, I think we should revel in this tiny glimpse we have been allotted before darkness falls, experiencing the good and the bad, because that is all we will ever know. Eternity beckons, but time will have no meaning once you are dead. As to what happens to your mortal remains after the reaper comes, I recall this passage from Raymond Chandler’s The Big Sleep: “What did it matter where you lay once you were dead? In a dirty sump or in a marble tower on the top of a high hill? You were dead, you were sleeping the big sleep, you were not bothered by things like that. Oil and water were the same as wind and air to you. You just slept the big sleep, not caring about the nastiness of how you died or where you fell”. And I once saw this Shakespearean quote on a tombstone which seems to sum things up nicely for those who perhaps feel that it was all not worth the trouble:
“Reason thus with life: If I do lose thee, I do lose a thing
That none but fools would keep: a breath thou art,
Servile to all the skyey influences,
That dost this habitation, where thou keep’st,
Hourly afflict.”
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This is the conversation I never knew I needed. I have read all the responses and I’ve been thinking about what I would say. But my thoughts truly are not as important to me on this topic as hearing other women’s thoughts. Because I am not certain of anything and it’s all just a big mystery to me.
Are you afraid of dying? Yes. I am afraid of being vulnerable, in pain and incapacitated and at the mercy of people who hate me and want things from me and want me to suffer even more. The process of dying terrifies me because it can take a very long time, where you are very disabled for a long time, and you need a safe place to do that in where people won’t hurt you more, and I can barely keep myself in a safe place now while I’m still relatively alive. And I am also afraid of being dead because it’s an unknown.
Are you afraid of what may happen after death? Yes. I have never been very fond of living, but I’m afraid that we have it good here, as bad as it is, and that its possible to be somewhere worse. I’m afraid being dead will be even worse.
What do you think happens after we die? I don’t know. I suspect that everything we have been told, or can speculate about, is probably wrong though.
How do you want to be remembered? Like all writers, I suppose I want my legacy to be my writing. I hope I am remembered for contributing to the female canon/worldview. I feel that was (is) my life’s work and I guess it’s better than not having a life’s work, or having my life’s work be something destructive or patriarchal.
What are your thoughts on burial? Cremation? Everything that men do to corpses disgusts and terrifies me. I think everything we do to corpses is wrong. I like the “back to nature” options other women have talked about here. Like being carried off by wild animals. I have always had the feeling, since I was a teenager, that I would not be buried in a grave. It is a strong sense I have to this day. I think I might die in a natural disaster, like being buried by volcanic ash or something. I think I would like that.
Do you want a funeral? Or a living funeral, aka a celebration of life? Honestly, no. I think in my case, a celebration of life, after I was dead, would be a cruel joke. I was brought into this world by rape and I have been made to feel like nothing but a burden, and very few people have given me reason or opportunity to enjoy being alive while I was (am) alive, so I think everyone can fuck off with their funeral bullshit lol. I found being alive about 99% torture, and most of that was because no one cared to make my experience anything other than torture. Having a funeral for me would let them off the hook so they can lie to themselves about me and about themselves. Also, I don’t want people looking at my corpse and having thoughts about it, especially men.
What has your experience of death been so far? All negative. I had a cat when I was a child, that slept with me every night, who I was very bonded to, killed in front of me my a vicious dog my dad brought home, knowing we had cats of course. I didn’t realize dogs would kill cats, I thought cats would always outsmart the dog, or outrun the dog, like in cartoons. I was surprised and horrified at how fast it happened and the finality of it. Alive one minute, dead the next, etc. And I have written about how Western medicine tortured my brother.
Being seriously, chronically ill has changed my perception about dying. Because I went out of my way to care for my brother during his many illnesses, and then when he was dying, and I was young and relatively healthy until recently, I hadn’t fully considered how awful the process of dying could be for someone who wasn’t in a safe place with people to go to battle for you until you didn’t need it anymore. I will probably not be in a safe place, and I will probably not have anyone there to go to battle for me at the end, and the way I know that is that I do not have anyone to do that now, even though I need it now. Being chronically ill is a very long, extended dying process that is terrifying and brutal, and hopeless. And I doubt anyone will come out of the woodwork eager to help me when things start declining, people seem to not be able to run away fast enough from a needy woman. It’s really the most horrifying thing I could ever imagine.
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Come down here with me and we’ll build a safe space with other women and I’ll help you. 😭 I have to help myself first then I will get things together so that other women can join me.
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Are you doing something like a retirement community for women?
Cannabis can’t work with her AI, and I also have a hellish AI, and I am generally unskilled and somewhat lazy.
We are too old to work, anyway, so what you got? What kind of activities will there be? Will there be ice cream? If so, will it be everyday?
Is there going to be staff? Ooooooooo, healthcare, you have to include some healthcare! And possibly put the residence on the beach! That’s my kind of safe space, on the beach, ice cream every day, relaxing and convalescing!
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Well there’s going to be internet so we can do any kind of internet work as anywhere but in peace and with other women to work together. I am working to start a company like I’m talking about on my blog, I want to design stuff for women and so all kinds of skills are needed anyway. I don’t care if there’s people there who just can only just work on the computer and I will cook and do whatever stuff for my sisters and don’t mind that. I am very skilled and not lazy and I just need a place to do stuff in peace with room to work and people around me who aren’t assholes. We’re fucked over much more separately than if we had a group working together and didn’t have to be be responsible for every little thing. The way I see it, it would be better for disabled women to just be able to do the work on the computer that doesn’t require physical labor from them then we could have communal food prep and stuff. Once I get things going, I really believe in myself that it will take off and be able to be sustained and I don’t care about anyone working to live. Once it’s established I don’t think it would be necessary for everyone to even do stuff on the computer and someone really unwell could just go hang out in the garden with the cats or go in the pool.
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That’s exactly it, isn’t it. Women need safe places, including places to convalesce and die, that are not dependent on our (or other women’s) ability to work. If I were healthy enough to work in a radical sweatshop making widgets for room and board, I would be healthy enough to do about anything. And I know there are women who are interested in helping other women, “after they help themselves” but therein lies the rub innit. Because NO woman is immune to, or very far removed from, what I am describing here, and it is very difficult, exhausting and ultimately impossible to keep the dogs at the door. And by dogs I of course mean predatory males, not actual dogs. I would prefer to be ripped apart by actual dogs than to have to deal with predatory males, especially as a sick woman who can no longer do what it takes to avoid these negative outcomes. I spent my entire life trying to avoid it, and I can’t do it anymore. And as far as I can tell, there is nothing that can be done about that. Suicide and euthanasia must be part of this discussion, and I appreciate the references made by others on that subject. It is very difficult to find women talking about death, let alone suicide. So I appreciate this conversation immensely.
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We only ever have the male view.
How many times have males said that people in general, and specifically women, are selfish for committing suicide? Or when a woman dies of an overdose, how many times does all of society say how selfish she was? That she should have loved her kids more than she loved drugs.
Males have imbedded selfLESSness into femininity, how many times do we hear that we are selfish? And that snaps us back into line? Into servitude to males?
Males don’t want us to die, so they call us selfish for dying. It’s projection. Males are selfish and afraid of losing their sex slave/domestic servant.
I think that some other countries may be marginally better with retirement and care options, but it can’t be all that much better.
So of course, suicide and euthanasia are part of the conversation for women. Those are the only choices that males have given some of us. Women don’t shy away from it, we meet it with practicality and an open mind. We can accept reality. Even if it’s ugly. We just have to.
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The only thing I can see to avoid these outcomes are to not be alone. The only thing that makes any sense to me is to join efforts with other women. Obviously not something easy though. But everything alone is hard anyway and no one’s getting anywhere and being alone means you have to do everything yourself, which creates even more work and stress. While if there was a group women with low levels of physical abilities could take the mental work and then not have to work about every little thing with cooking and cleaning and day to day stuff because we could do that as a group.
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I agree that everything is more difficult when we are alone.
I have land. And I am kidding you about being unskilled, lol. But even when you have access to land, even when you own that land, even if it is completely paid for, like mine is, males still control it.
I have plenty of room on my land for maybe 3 large “tiny houses”. My utility hook ups can support another mobile home, as it is, right now. I could maybe scrape together enough cash to buy a little structure and have it put here, on my land.
Do you want to take a guess about why I haven’t done that?
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Laws against it? That’s the hardest part is all the ridiculous rules men made up. Because otherwise we could just go and start building whatever we want and they have less control over us. I’m looking at how to get land where they will leave me alone and that’s far enough away from everything I won’t be bothered.
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Yep.
I am not allowed to grow my own food. Males dictate where I can have trees. If your grass gets too tall, they send you one warning and give you 2 weeks to cut it to male specifications, if you don’t comply, they send a county crew out to cut the grass, and they send you a bill for 4 times what someone else would charge. If you can’t pay the bill, you go to jail AND males seize the property.
Males are big brother. And with tiny houses, males are attempting to squash that in every way possible, and I could write a book about that.
Where are Women supposed to stay if they accept your invitation? Are you inviting them to stay with you? Are you expecting them to help pay bills? Can they bring their pets? Can they bring their belongings? Like furniture?
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I’m hoping to convince some women to research all this with me who are as fed up with everything as I am. It’s a lot to research on my own. I know that I probably will end up being on my own as no one wants to commit to putting the time researching something that’s not concrete yet and I probably sound crazy and I accept that but I’m still putting the idea out there and whoever can join me at any point along the line. If I have to start things completely alone that’s okay with me because I’m alone regardless anyway. I’d feel much safer and happier and generally better automatically just being out of the city.
My plan regardless of whether I’m alone or I can get some women to join me is to get an RV and some land and just start building and growing and doing stuff. I’m going to have the stuff I design on Kickstarter and get it funded like that. I’ve been looking at what people are doing that’s successful and how to make my ideas happen like that. I started researching all the aspects of finding suitable land, how to get land that’s zoned for agricultural stuff where I can grow whatever, and how to get grants. I talked to someone who is a grant writer and she explained to me how to write grant proposals. I’m starting a company so the company would be paying for things. I want people who will come work with me. Not as employees, as a family and we all work together and do what works for all of us. It really doesn’t matter what skills everyone has because everything would be useful. I wish I at least had a partner. A lot of couples do homestead stuff with just them. I talked to this Australian woman who made a homestead with just her and her partner and she told me some stuff about how she did it. It really sucks being alone though.
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I am not trying to shit on your parade, sister, I hope that you understand that. I am speaking from my own experience from 50 years of avoiding male dominance and managing to end up doing ok, even though I am still living in poverty.
I bought my little mobile home with the acre of land that it sits on in 1998, I had a full time job, I thought that I would always have a full time job, and I took out a 15 year mortgage that I managed to pay off in a little less than 14. (Also, I lived here alone until I met Mr. Jayne in 2003, he moved in in 2004).
I planned for my life to end up right where I am, that by 50, I would not have a house payment or rent. I thought that as an educated woman with a good work history that I would always be able to make money, until I lost my last job and went years without being able to replace a decent income. I have to laugh at myself, because I should have known that no one wants to hire a woman over 40, especially when there’s multiple people applying for each job.
Even so, if I had waited to help other women until I was in a position to do so, I would have never helped anyone. I am 50, I haven’t seen a doctor in years, I am in bad need of a dentist, I live in poverty, even with a white male who works, but I find ways to help women because that is what matters to me the most.
And that rarely involves money. Don’t get me wrong, money is survival, and women always need it, so when I get some, I absolutely share it with other women. But I don’t have much money, so I have to find other ways. And I am a pro at finding ways to support women. Every day.
You may end up alone, or you may not, but you have to plan as if you will be alone and doing for yourself. I don’t know what that looks like for you, other than a list of what you are going to do, which would be impossible for me, to be honest. If I could go back, I wouldn’t have bothered with land, I would have purchased an RV, or a travel trailer, something that I could live in while being mobile. I am heading that direction for myself, right now. Mobility is freedom.
Your plan is enterprising, and probably doable, if you pick one thing and work towards it. Is it the RV? Or the land? Or starting the company? Which one of these is your jumping off point?
And the most important thing is that you need to be selfish, and do exactly what you want to do, however you want to do it. Keep in mind that getting other women to help you is going to be a really hard sell, especially with ideas that are so wide in scope. We live and exist in a world where we are constantly being drained and taken from, and most of the drastic movement that we make is an attempt to escape and/or get some peace and/or safety, I don’t see a lot of women picking up their lives to go to work in Florida. It’s very possible that I am wrong, it’s just my opinion. But that shouldn’t stop you from pursuing your own goals.
You very obviously are smart and articulate, you will likely be successful at whatever road you choose. You just need a little direction and a little luck. And as always, you can disregard my advice, especially since you didn’t ask for it.🤪😁
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Oh yeah I know I will likely be alone, at least at first until I have something concrete that I can actually show to people. That was what I was saying that my plan is that I will most likely be working alone, if I can convince any woman to work with me that would be fucking awesome though. Maybe I can even find a partner who loves me and we can do everything together. I am open to all possiblity and any suggestions anyone has. That’s why I figured I’d just start talking about it and see what other women are thinking and I’ve found out a lot of stuff by just starting conversations. If I kept my ideas to myself until they were “perfect” I would never be able to learn anything to develop them into something workable.
I’m talking to a bunch of women on Facebook who are into the idea and have different ideas that we are discussing. I found someone who told me about how to do grant writing too. I found some women on Reddit who live in Florida already and are interested in the idea and want to talk about it. When I get things more developed into more of a plan and more stable in my life, I’m going to search out local groups where I might find like minded women to form business connections and possibly find some to work with. So far what I’m thinking is vegan groups to find some other hippie chicks out there, I’ve always wanted to check out these meet ups they do anyway. I’m not sure what else to go to but I’m sure there’s other kinds of groups I can find. I don’t want regular business groups with women already having something established I want the outcasts who don’t fit in. I need to find places with intelligent educated women who have kind of fallen through the cracks and don’t know what to do, who want out of city life to something practically and would be into working with me and sharing our ideas and making things happen.
Lol I definitely know that the likelihood of someone coming here who isn’t already here is low and there is much more chance to find someone already here. I don’t have any illusions that tons of people will hear my ideas and come right here. I’m just in this research and idea gathering stage at the moment, bouncing ideas out into the world and seeing what happens. You never know, I met a woman on Reddit who is totally into the idea of a woman’s community and was actually already planning a move to Florida from Louisiana and buying an RV. But her grown son ended up with his wife pregnant now and so she’s having a baby and she’s going up to North Florida to live by them in her RV. And I have no interest in going North, I would love to go further south a bit I think but I’m open to anywhere in Central or South Florida where I can find the right land that is zoned for agricultural land and I can get some peace. But my thoughts on putting all these ideas out there aren’t all just about getting people to come work with me, I would honestly be shocked if someone actually does. I want us to all think about other ways of living other than what we are told and if I inspire a woman in Australia or the UK or wherever that I’ll never meet to think about her options other than being fenced in these houses they say we’re supposed to live in, then that is fucking awesome.
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@anotherwomaninhell I find your plan and courage profoundly inspiring and I’d like to share this comment on “spinster.xyz”, which is a kind of twitter for women, to see if someone there would be motivated to join you, is it OK?
Your idea sounds pretty much like a feminist separatist community. 🙂
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Yeah sure. I’ve been wondering if I should join that.
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I’m thinking of a title of comment like “A separatist community in FL” , sounds good?
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Sure 🙂
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The company, land, and RV are the same thing. I have a business already, or two businesses I guess because I have two different things going, that I’ve spent a lot of time and money working on developing and I can’t go any further at this point with anything else until it’s all fully going and I am stable in my life, everything else is just ideas and plans for the future at the moment that I am thinking about and researching and honing my thoughts. I really have no ability to help anyone right now other than to just talk to other women to say life sucks lol which is helpful a bit just to relate to others. But I fully believe I have the ability to do whatever I put my mind to and I will and I’m going to do helpful things. I have no plans to ever work for anyone so I am not worried about anyone hiring me. I am going to make myself self sufficient in my business ventures and continually expand as much as I can.
Once I have the stability to do so, I’m going to put Kickstarter campaigns out there to have my designs produced of the things I already designed and can make the prototypes myself. I’ve studied all this stuff a lot already how people present their ideas in a way that gets people to contribute and how to take really good pictures and write good descriptions. I need to learn how to model stuff I make and not look so awkward. One of the next things I’m going to do is ask this nice woman who I bought these super cute cat toys from some questions about her Kickstarter and manufacturing. By the time I have more business stuff going on and making a decent amount of income to have the ability to make actual moves that I want, I will have also done a lot more research and be able to find suitable land to go to. I’m going to apply for business and/or community grants down the line hoping that I can get a boost from that to go bigger, but if I can’t get anything I will just start smaller. I figure an RV is the best way to have an immediate house. All I would need right away are the utility hook ups and I would try to do as much off grid stuff as I could with solar power. There would be no hurry building anything and I could take my time and be free to do whatever I want since I’ll already have the RV to live in. Just go start planting some basic foods and building some little things to start with and work my way up as I go along.
The goal is for me to be semi self sufficient with the ability to be completely self sufficient if need be if things get too crazy out in the world. I am very handy already having grown up poor and doing everything with my mom that we needed done. And I’ve grown all kinds of plants. I can make and create anything with a little bit of practice. With a huge selection of videos on YouTube explaining pretty much everything and the whole internet at my use, I am capable of learning anything at all that I want to. I’m going to have a whole garden growing to eat from and to make my body products as well. I saw this video where this guy made this delicious meal fresh from his garden, he went around picking everything right off the plants and put it together in a lettuce wrap with raspberry dressing he made. He said how almost all of the food he eats comes from his garden. That is heaven to me.
The internet opens an endless world of possibilities that I am going to take full advantage of all of it. I’m going to watch videos and read to learn anything I need and want as I go along. I have the world’s knowledge at my fingertips like people have never had before now. And I have so many ways to make money getting the things I create out into the world. I have projects all lined up to work on that I’ve spent a lot of time already figuring out the ways to actually get them out there into the world once they are ready. It’s only a matter of time and effort getting them out there. I don’t want to talk about anything too specific publicly because I don’t want anyone to steal my ideas and also I probably shouldn’t have my professional stuff connected to talking about how men are parasites and all that lol. But I already have all sorts of things in the works, some that will create passive income and enough that will give me multiple streams so that I don’t have to depend on any one thing. If I can get enough land, I’d like to do things like rent camping space and rent space out for events too.
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Also I can find people to work with anywhere I’m going to be doing a lot of stuff online, so to do some stuff I could work with someone anywhere and have different connections to sell stuff other places too.
I’m speaking the reality I want into existence bit by bit.
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Wow, I feel like I wrote this. We must have been born in the same year or something 😉
I love the enthusiasm of youth, and having spent so much time around young women in the last 10 years, I’ve tried to foster and sort of direct that energy into paths that will help the women themselves rather than males or male-focused projects (without them knowing it because all women fight against self-interest because ‘selfish’). I notice that it is usually somewhere in your 30s after being beat up by the world several times, that most women see things in a different light, even if they don’t admit it publicly. Most just give up and accept things they might not have accepted in the past. Or they get mean. Or they kill themselves. Or they drink and drug. Or they join what I will loosely call a cult centred on religion, spirituality, positive thinking, self-help, etc. Anything to avoid facing reality. Standards are lowered, that’s for sure. The disappointment kills slowly.
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It took being beat up by the world too much to realize my standards were always too low. I was just conditioned to accept being garbage and didn’t know any better. I already accepted too much shit in my life and I’ve reached my limit of bullshit.
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I wish more women were able to take that perspective. I’m still trying to figure out what it is that makes the difference between making the realization and thinking you deserve better and being motivated, and making the realization and just accepting it.
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Near death experience and lots of drugs? That’s what happened to me. I thought I was going to die I was so sick and felt so completely helpless I didn’t know if I was ever going to be able to function again. I went on a huge psychedelic trip through my mind, which was really a lot of separate experiences that all melded into a larger understanding and I processed everything I had learned and felt up until then. I began to understand what shit this all is that I’ve been taught, not just to know some facts but to really KNOW that this is all fake bullshit made up by a bunch of lunatics to keep us imprisoned to rape us and exploit all our labor. None of it is real. We are completely disconnected from the reality of living as biological life forms on a living planet and we live in some strange prison fantasy land instead.
When I faced the reality of death, that it truly became real to me that I could die at any minute and just because I’m young doesn’t mean I have any guarantees to live to old age, that “civilization” is not very civilized and will leave me to die if I need help and can’t get it myself, it made me understand I have to do what I want now and not let fear stop me. I got so much better than I thought I would ever be again. I have high hopes right now that the treatment I’m getting on my neck and back is greatly improving things even more than I ever hoped for because I had given up on improvement a long time ago. I feel so determined to not only feel as good as I can but to be even better, I’m going to build some fucking muscles and be strong after all this.
I feel so angry at everything I’ve been put through in my life for no real reason, because I live in a country with wealth and technology and supposed “law and order.” All this advanced stuff is all around me but it hasn’t benefited me because I was born into being poor and struggling and having to deal with whatever horrible thing strange men want to do because no one will stop them. When I saw how fake everything is I finally really understood I have to figure out how to manipulate reality to work in my favor. I understood that everything can be controlled and changed. Everything can be drastically different in an instant, for good or bad. We are in a constant state of flux that needs to be harnessed to work for us.
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At some point, we realize that women behind us lacked any opportunities at all, with males openly terrified of women finding out what males already knew, that males lack intellect, ingenuity, integrity, etc., and males were afraid of women outdoing them, and we see all of the time that they were correct. As soon as they allowed us into education and employment, we ran circles around them, even as those systems have always been and still are male.
In my lifetime, I have seen competent, smart, hard working women forced out lucrative employment by males sexually harassing them, paying them less, and generally making very few positions available to women because those opportunities are usually based on if you are male.
There have been Women before me that have been much smarter than me, more courage, more insight, just stronger women. Yet, every system and most financially stable people are male. This is not because women weren’t smart, or available and qualified. It means that males still hold all power, and control all resources.
We don’t have plentiful resources because males still hoard them, and they hoard them all over. Women across space and time have nothing because that’s how males want it. It’s kind of insulting to the women before us to think that we will find some kind of hack or way to achieve what they couldn’t due only to patriarchy and male resource hoarding/control.
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I think it’s dismissive of all the women who have managed to take control of their lives to think that it’s not possible though. In the 70s women went out and built women’s communities with way less help than we have now since they didn’t have the internet and online income and YouTube tutorials for everything and they managed to create beautiful homes for themselves and some are still around today. There’s even people that make homesteads with only a couple. I talked to an Australian woman who built a home with just her and her partner because the other two women that were supposed to do it with them dropped out, but they did their own thing and managed to have a great life together for like thirty years.
I see women everyday having successful businesses based on something that they created and put out there themselves and being able to be self sufficient. We have more options than ever before to do our own thing where we don’t have to worry about men terrorizing us out of jobs because they have nothing to do with it. I think one of the biggest problems is that it’s hard for people to understand that you have options and don’t have to go get some job and subject yourself to anyone’s shit because it’s so drilled into us to “get a job.” They let their creativity and drive die listening to other people’s bullshit. I thought for so long I was just supposed to get a job and deal with whatever. Then when women get money they don’t buy land and things that are for actual survival so they are still cut off from natural life and kept in the system. Most don’t do things to help anyone else either.
I think even as a whole things are not hopeless because maybe something will kill off most of the men. As a whole we’re not going to revolt ever, but if they die off on a large scale we can make things better without them. But that’s for future generations to worry about if we don’t all die out.
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From what I have gathered, some significant percentage of women’s and lesbian’s land/projects are funded by government benefits, especially disability benefits. So the women have a patch of land or whatever, but they are all medicated, and have to see their therapist or whatever every week to maintain their benefits, so that they can remain free. Lesbians also are able to pool their resources and tolerate each other because they are fucking. Or they have alimony, child support or other resources available.
And even so, their projects often fail for all the obvious reasons related to these and other things. This has little to nothing to do with straight, single, child free women and anything they might be able to put together, or what women might be able to do without a monthly check coming in from Big Daddy, whether it’s from the government, or a pension from a previous employer, or from some man.
At the same time, I do think it’s possible to create a peaceful bubble in the midst of this absolute chaos. That doesn’t mean it’s possible for every woman, though. Not every woman can be the exception. And it will end at some point. So, what even is a success versus a failure when most women don’t even experience 10 minutes of freedom in their entire lives? Is a project that succeeds for a day, or a year or 10 years before it fails, a success or a failure? Does it matter where the money comes from or how long it lasts? How much of your time can you spend jumping through men’s hoops, and complying with their mandates, and still believe you are free or feel free? These are all questions I have. I have come to appreciate simplicity and leisure time above all else, I think. I was more ambitious when I was younger, and before I got sick obviously, but it didn’t even matter, I still ended up with nothing. Perhaps ambition is overrated.
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I want a simple peaceful life so bad. I don’t believe that could ever be possible in city life, it’s just completely inconsistent with being human. We can’t do anything connected to nature or have access to space to grow food. This can barely be called living. I want to go spend time outside more than anything, but I hate going outside like this so much that it’s not worth it because I get no enjoyment from it. There’s hardly any nature left to begin with, then people throw garbage everywhere, then there’s the constant interference from obnoxious asshole men. When I go outside during the day they are always screaming which is annoying, but at night I get followed which is terrifying. How can I enjoy looking at garbage and listening to screaming men? I feel angry and nauseous the second I go outside and the claustrophobic feeling sets in looking around at the constant flow of people. I hate this. I get much of my nature from video and audio recordings so I can drown out the noise.
It’s hard to enjoy much of anything. When a neighbor killed two of my cats that was fucking it, I’m done. Men have made my life so miserable and it’s not like I was ever specifically targeted for anything, it’s just the fact of being in close proximity to a bunch of unknown men. I don’t want to wait around to let anyone hurt me anymore. I need to get me and my cats somewhere safe where we can go outside and I can build a catio for them to safely play and a garden to grow food from. This is hell. It could be worse, but so what? If life is barely livable it’s already bad enough. And this is just the beginning because while I don’t think society is going to collapse in my lifetime, there will definitely be lots of instability, there’s already a pandemic and riots. I don’t want to be in the middle of all this shit.
There’s all these big nice houses around here but then they are right next to the road and so many houses all together, so it’s like why? I don’t see the point being crammed in like this. I lived in a pretty nice house with my ex but was surrounded by houses. There were these frat boy type dudes behind us and this guy would go out at random times and punch a punching bag that he put on the tree that was in our yard so close to the house, plus other obnoxious stuff. It was so loud and hurt my head listening to the repetitive banging noises. I remember one time on my birthday he woke me up at 8 am doing that. They threw garbage everywhere too. I never said anything to them because if I said one word I was going to completely flip out I was already pushed so far from everything else at that point. I wanted to go out there and stab him to make it stop.
One of my best friends growing up lived with her grandma and Grandma’s husband. They are best friends with another family and the guys work together doing a flooring installation business. The family got some rural land and built a house when me and my friend were teens and we went there and hung out while they were building, then I went over there a bunch of times when we would go buy some weed there and hang out and smoke. They had a normal kind of big house and then built a small house for the daughter and daughter’s husband. There is a good amount of land all around where they could go outside in peace and do whatever with no one bothering them. It wasn’t even in the middle of nowhere, they were still in an okay distance from everything but far enough away to get peace. They are just regular people, not rich by any means and they were able to do that. They were able to do it much easier because they had some people able to work together to do it. It’s so hard to do anything by yourself though or to convince people to work together who aren’t your family or at least people you’ve already been friends with for many years.
Maybe I just need to get a wife who has a bunch of family willing to help with stuff. I’m too traumatized and have too much to sort out for myself to start any intimate relationship anytime soon though and basing your life on one relationship is too much reliance on one person. I have a friend I grew up with who is really into the idea of making a community and we do have a lot in common. She knows lots of people and I believe her that she says she knows people who would do it. But she really loves men and has a son and will want all these dudes involved, plus she’s kind of too much of a party girl for me. I really have no patience for men anymore. I don’t think every single one of them is horrible, but it’s too much. They can hide how shitty they are for so long and I have so much pent up anger anyway I’m already mad at them for just existing. Even if every dude involved is somehow a perfect angel, I’m going to get mad at them for just about anything and then I’m going to feel bad and I’m not going to know how to deal with them. I find basic interactions with them so tiring now.
But my life is about to change a lot for the better and I can make some more changes soon, finally making progress. I’m about to go full time with my business in October, been getting everything together, I have shops on several different platforms now and am getting some new suppliers and working on figuring out all the details. I’m actually getting real help from the chiropractor since I am finally seeing someone who knows what he’s doing and they have the traction machine there that’s loosening up my vertebrae enough to put them into place. The stuff here is sort of sorted out and is coming together. I should be able to finally get a car again sometime near the beginning of the year and then start getting money together to put towards my next moves. My mom is close to paying off the house too so that will be a huge thing next year.
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If I ever get concerned that I am near the end of my life, here, I will go ahead and get myself out.
I share all of the same fears, about being vulnerable and helpless and at the mercy of male systems that are based around torture and death. This is why I try to just live in the here and now. I will cross that bridge when I come to it, right here and now, I have dogs to pet and cake to eat.
I have learned a lot from you, cannabis. Maybe one day, you can come and live with me. You never know.😉🙂
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That’s good advice, even if you didn’t mean it to be advice. I will cross (or jump off) that bridge when I come to it. For now, I have a home, and 2 cats that I absolutely love, and a way to make a little money, and a few women to help me make ends meet. I’ve said before that I’m actually happier with this “life” than I ever was trying to “be successful” or practicing law. It would be nice if I was healthy enough to enjoy it, but whatever lol. I do have moments of joy, and I have cultivated a peaceful existence for the first time ever. Not having men and patriarchal women around has been vital to any moments of peace, and any good, relatively pain-free days.
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Are you afraid of dying?
No, because I don’t think it’s the end of consciousness or life.
Life is eternal, but we humans still cannot understand this very well because of the patriarchal constraints that suffocate our perceptions of ourselves, the Universe and God so much.
Old female centered perceptions of the Universe and God don’t have these problems.
Are you afraid of what may happen after death?
No, because life continues after the body dies.
What do you think happens after we die?
We get together with liked minded people and form groups that recreate life, individually and socially. in a similar way as in the “material world”, i.e., the world that we live when incarnated in the human body.
I call the world after dis-incarnation 4D and the “material world” 3D. The Universe in 4D is infinitely vaster than 3D, in a similar way as 3D is vaster than 2D.
The new distinctive dimension in 4D is consciousness, it’s not geometrical.
How do you want to be remembered?
Not important in general, but if the person that remembers us is a friend I’d like to be remembered as a goodhearted person.
If you think well about somebody you can positively influence that person’s life and well being, not only through telepathy but also through some connections we have with other conscious minds that we [humans] are still not very aware of. That’s the reason why our prayers to God, our divine Mother, can be effective.
What are your thoughts on burial? Cremation?
Makes no difference, essentially, what we do with the dead body.
The thoughts that we have about the dis-incarnated person is what matters most.
Do you want a funeral? Or a living funeral, aka a celebration of life?
No, none, makes no difference.
What has your experience of death been so far?
Not good, because of the associated images of pain and suffering, I wish I could live in a world without death – or at least a world where we could see death in a more natural and less painful way.
I wish I could live in a world without male humans.
I don’t think male humans are necessary for the continuation of the human species. Sometimes I think that the end of patriarchy – when and if it happens – could signal the possibility of humanity to leap in evolution and become purely feminine species. I really hope this will be true at some point.
And anything else that you want to tell us, or talk about.
The discovery of life, the discovery of ourselves and the discovery of God are three aspects of the same great truth.
The “material world”, 3D, is mostly an illusion and patriarchy tries to attach human consciousness to this illusion.
Humanity *must end* the patriarchal system to enter its next step of evolution.
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We have a lot of similar thoughts about this. I see it as a change to a dimension of consciousness too. I think we can go back to the source of life that’s pure consciousness or we can go into other biological bodies, all part of an endless cycle of consciousness transference. I think males are blocking our evolution too and the next step in evolution is one of conscious connection with each other and the universal energy flow.
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Death is one of my favourite topics, although I haven’t written about it and I seldom get the chance to talk about it in the meat world. But a good honest conversation about death is very fulfilling to me because it is one of the few great equalizers in the world that transcends time, place, culture, etc. But most cultures have complicated taboos about it, and there is no one good way of dealing with it (despite what self-hating white people say about the sage noble savages around the world).
I’m not afraid of death. I’m afraid of being helpless and suffering on my way to death. This is a very real thing for women, especially childless and partnerless women. Few people help women on their way to death. Men are always helped, even if they are shitheads.
I had a beautiful suicide planned a few years back which involved being alone in the wilderness of Canada’s north, my body going on to feed every level of the ecosystem. (I like the compost comment above). That obviously didn’t happen for complicated reasons, but I do like the idea of the ultimate ‘giving back’. I can think of no more important contribution, although I’d like to think I’ve helped a few people along the way (i.e., my female students, young people here and there, etc).
Death has been a big part of my life since I was young. I rescued my first woman from probably death by male when I was 13ish. My best friend was murdered when we were both 17 (your last post about the dead frozen girl hit me hard – my best friend left a party a few blocks from her home, disappeared and was found dead and frozen under mysterious circumstances in a construction yard by her home 2 weeks later… her parents chose an open casket, ffs – no male was ever arrested and the details were withheld.) All four of my grandparents died between my 18-22 years, under sad circumstances. My mother refused to tell me when my maternal grandmother was dying and then died – so I missed the funeral (no other family member told me either – and it wasn’t about protecting me – it was punishment), and dear mother also got me kicked out of the will. Next, when I was 24, I was nearly deliberately killed by a pack of Muslim Arab males in Belgium. Being in a public place was the only thing that saved me, I think. And I’ve miraculously survived a number of weird accidents and frightening encounters with males throughout my life. Yeah, I think about death and dying a lot.
I don’t believe in an afterlife; that is wishful thinking meant to calm people down AND to try to prevent men from doing bad things they might otherwise do if there is punishment awaiting them in the end (like that has worked…)
I agree about the doctor comments above. I prefer nurse practitioners, but ultimately, I’d prefer to go to a vet. Why are suffering animals allowed to be put down when it is their time to die, but we force humans to live on and on in pain, humiliation, indignity, deplorable living conditions and endless, endless suffering? Why do we shackle female care-givers to suffering humans? And why is it a crime to die in a world where males do their best to kill you?
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I am sorry to hear about your friend, and how males murdered her. Males are just so random with their Violence, it seems like they get the urge to rape and/or kill from their environment, it’s like they see a woman, and if they assess that she is vunerable at all, they strike. They are opportunists, always on the prowl for opportunity.
Males always have help available, I agree. They seem to have endless female relatives or female members of their community that will step up to help them and take care of them. Remember in the 80s, how gay males were overtaken with AIDS, no one knew what it was, and the entire Lesbian community, it seemed, stepped up and began caring for the dying males, who were dying because they would literally fuck anything. That favor still has not been returned.
Males would die at about 30, at the very latest, if we just stopped taking care of them. Males typically leave their female partners when they get sick, while Women value loyalty, Even when it is not returned, Women will care for sick males. And males are so fucking nasty when they are sick, they almost always turn abusive to the woman that is keeping him alive.
And even if he has no female relatives, males hoard resources while simultaneously keeping large groups of Women poor, so he can use financial force to coerce a woman into taking Care of him.
I am glad that you didn’t leave us a few years ago, although I can empathize with the sentiment. Males can’t control suicide any more than they can control Abortion, it’s their performance that they use as a sad little attempt to keep believing that they own everything and everyone.
Here’s a kind of side story. My vet was a woman, for years, since the late 90s, and she recently retired, selling her practice to a male. She brought him in as a second doctor, for a while, to get everyone used to him. She asked me if I would let him treat my dogs, and I trusted her judgement, and I know that most people were not going to be willing to switch over to him, so I agreed to let him treat my dogs, since she was in the same building and would be available, if she was needed.
I have worked with rescue dogs all of my life. I have had to euthanize more dogs than I care to even think about. When Doyle had to be euthanized a few weeks ago, I made the appointment and took him in. When the vet came into the room, he listened to Doyle’s heart, and he asked me what I wanted to do, which I thought was an odd question, I mean, I made an appointment for euthanizing him, I wondered why he was asking.
So I told him that it was time for us to let Doyle go. And do you know what he said? He said that he concurred with my decision, and that he was going to ALLOW ME to end Doyle’s suffering. I was instantly enraged for about 2 seconds, which was how long it took for grief to override the anger. That was not a battle that I could pick that day.
But he chose that second in time, when I was standing there with my sick dog, having made the impossible decision to end his fucking suffering, that asshole chose that moment to exert dominance over me.
He was going to LET ME. As if I just go around, killing healthy, young dogs. As if my judgement is not enough. As if I needed his permission.
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Disgusting. Always the need to control. And inspire some kind of guilt, I imagine. The last thing you or any woman needs is male approval on any decision big or small. The vast majority of women do accept this scrotal oversight not realizing that they are fully capable of deciding their own fate and the fate of those who are under their protection.
I’m glad he didn’t deny you your right, because that would not have been pretty.
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Sorry about your friend 😦 how evil some piece of shit took away so much of her life. Several of my friends tried to kill themselves as teenagers after men raped them. They survived and went on to have some good things in their life and be happy to be alive. I’ve thought about it a lot how they almost died and missed everything about getting to grow up and live their lives because some dude wanted to stuck his dick in them and how something that leads women to kill themselves is obviously a murder attempt but it’s never acknowledged as that.
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Holes need to be filled – that is how every man on the planet sees things. Hole in the ground? Fill it. Hole in a woman/girl? Fill it.They are usually quite puzzled when a woman is traumatized or ends up killing herself or dying from the ordeal itself, when her hole is filled.
The great thing about that whole teenaged nightmare was the gaslighting everyone did. No one acknowledged foul play. Everyone basically spread the idea that she left the party and then, in the middle of winter, decided to go have a lie down in a construction yard, despite the party being a few blocks from her house. She was probably drunk, so it made sense to her. That was what I was told over and over, and there was no talking about it in a logical way (i.e., a male or group of males did it).
Had it been a dead boy, things would have moved and been explained very differently.
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I hate this world so much. Everything is gaslighting to think that we can ever just go out and enjoy life without them hurting us.
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Although a challenge, you just have to try to create your own world. And that’s not ‘positive thinking’ bullshit. You can’t unsee truth, so you just have to find a way to create an environment in which you can not just survive, but live.
btw, got your email – will reply shortly 🙂
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That’s what I’m working on! You need to come down here with me! We could make awesome stuff together.
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I am curious about the time that you were knocked out, the hours between 3 and 8, if you dreamed or remembered anything about that time. Claire Wineland talked about being aware of things while she was in a coma or under anesthesia, I wonder if that is common.
I was sick when I was 37/38, I spent months withering away and I was trying to come to terms with the fact that I was likely going to die (and I would have, if not for me asking my vet for advice, she was the most competent physician that I know, she saved my life) when we found the problem and I got the correct treatment. That’s been my only personal experience with being close to death, and being in my late 30s, if I hadn’t lingered, I would have missed being cured. But now, at almost 50, I agree with you, gone in a flash is the way to go.
The women here are one of the reasons that I hope for an afterlife. I hope to be present with you all, one way or another, someday.
Your last thought, about making good compost, LOL, reminded me of Tibetan sky funerals, where the body is left on mountain tops or rooftops for animals to consume, as a way for people to give back to the earth and her systems. But honestly, I am not even sure how healthy that would be, for the earth or the animals. I watched a doc a while back about how human remains are taking much longer to decompose due to all of the additives and preservatives in our food. We are essentially preserving ourselves while we are still alive.
That may only apply in the states, though, where the FDA is frequently paid off by corporations. I think that other countries have better standards than we do.
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I’ve always said how much better vets are than human doctors and I wish I could go to the vet too. They understand the body as a whole system instead of trying to divide everything up into pieces as if we can be seen as a collection of parts. They also actually like their patients and genuinely care about them. Human doctors just seem to hate us and want us to pay and GTFO.
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Males cannot stand for anything to remain as a whole.
They must chop it up, section it off, create little boxes to stuff each individual part into, they must define it, only in relation to themselves, dissect, consume, destroy, repeat.
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What I’ve seen even with vets is that the ones who work as specialists are awful too. The regular vets who do everything actually have a holistic understanding and actual concern for their patients that no other doctors really have.
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I did not have any dreams or visions while I was out. Though I passed out the instant my brain registered what was about to happen, I came to briefly lying in the road. This is when I saw the tunnel of blue sky and the glowing around the perimeter and just heard pleasant humming all around me. Finally, an EMT leaned directly over my face and asked if I could hear him. I said, yes and then went out again. If he hadn’t leaned over, I wouldn’t have seen him due to the partial vision loss. My brain was rattled. However, I was always a prolific dreamer…so much so that in my late thirties I went to see a Traditional Chinese Medicine doctor. I was dreaming all night long and waking up exhausted. She mixed up some herbal brew that I drank once a day for two weeks. The dreaming stopped cold. It never resumed. I miss dreaming, but not to the point of exhaustion. Now I only dream when my bladder is about to burst in the night and precipitates a steady stream of bizarre dreams having to do with water until I wake up.
I often dreamed that we have multiple and simultaneous lives lived out as parallel, but in separate bodies scattered around the earth, as well as in different time spans. As each one “dies” they are incorporated into the remaining ones, and all of their knowledge and experience is transferred. In my dreams, I regularly recognized myself as being other people in other times and had an awareness of myself as aware of them as I was dreaming. I think this is how human consciousness works only we are socialized and educated in a way that flattens this out of our line of perception. We are like trained rats…trained to make ourselves small and flat and one dimensional. This make us useful as worker bees to be used up and then discarded when the grifters move on and suddenly find us useless to them.
In the smallness we are made to occupy in our culture, we lose that tremendous sense of awe and mystery we lived as young children. Perhaps death is the only way we can return to the mystery. In our shrunken, arrogant existence we forget that we know absolutely nothing about how anything is made, or really works in our Universe, and that mystery and awe is what energizes the spirit in each of us. Economics is about making the living a dead thing.
I will miss the trees, other plants, animals and birds the most. I already miss the ones that have been destroyed. It would be a shame (an unkind, cruel irony) for humankind to discover that Earth was the paradise so many scramble to enter in the afterlife, and that we have spent the last 150 years turning Her into a fetid coffin for coin.
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Everything that you are saying about “multiple and simultaneous lives” sounds very familiar to me. I heard about a theory a while back that states that you never die, that when you die in one place, then you are incorporated into another timeline where you didn’t die.
Everything that you say here is so relevant, I wish that I could find a better word for it, but everything that you are saying here just speaks to me. The feeling of being “small and flat and one dimensional” is so fucking familiar, and it’s made exponentially worse when you can see that this is not a mistake or a misunderstanding, it is intentional and with malice.
Thank you for this viewpoint. It’s so relatable and stated so perfectly. I somehow feel validated by your words, so thank you.
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In my mid twenties I was rearended by a car while riding a scooter. I’d had it two weeks. It was the first time I road it without a helmet, as fate would have it. I was thrown 35 feet skidding the last twenty feet on my head and face landing in the opposite lane into oncoming traffic. Seconds before impact I had glanced in my rearview mirror and saw only chrome bumper and the words “objects in mirror are closer than they appear.” I passed out. People sitting at an outside cafe stopped traffic and iced my head. A doctor happened to be there on his day off. I was knocked out and could only see a tunnel straight up into a brilliant blue sky. Everything around this sky tunnel was glowing and humming. It was a cloudy, September day. It happened at three in the afternoon. I came to at 8 PM in the hospital emergency room. I had no peripheral vision for six weeks and black eyes that extended level with my mouth. I suffered from anxiety and depression for a year. I became aware that it could all be over in a flash. It changed the way I perceived myself and others. The driver wasn’t paying attention and missed my bright blue scooter and my bright blue jacket and my stopped self with a turn signal blinking. I was invisible to her. I decided then and there that a slow agonizing death would be better than “gone in a flash” in your early twenties.
As I approach my 65th birthday, I think gone in a flash might not be a bad idea. In this culture, in this country, the older you get the closer up is the view of the underside of the bus. I have seen the underside of the bus where they throw the unwanted too often in my life. Don’t want to spend too long under there as an oldster.
Death doesn’t bother me, only when you’re the living dead or encounter one. I will make good compost.
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Holy shit that’s terrifying. I was in a bad car accident at 17 when someone pulled out right in front of me and caused me to hit them and I can still hear the sound of the metal crushing when I think about it. I didn’t feel anything while it was happening, just complete shock, the only thing I was aware of was that sickening sound. I’ve been in pain ever since then. I got treatment from the accident that helped a bit and then I got treatments a few times through the years but became so hopeless that anyone was actually going to do anything helpful. I’m getting treatment now for another accident and I think maybe these people might actually help me and maybe eventually I won’t be in such agonizing pain and I’ll be able to turn my head all the way again. It really did make me aware of how easy you can be killed or have serious life altering injuries at a young age. It made me pretty afraid of driving too.
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Well, i better kick it before age 60, since i’m living off my pension funds ;-)(
it’s funny, – when i was little ,I didn’t question why the old-old ppl i saw were XX. Mals over there give us the greatest gift of all : drop dead before the age they’d need toileting + feeding. this is how it should be the world over, i purport. Actually, an earlier age’d be nice…..Like, right past the zygote stage.
the satisfying sex part’s be possible for me only in an another life – without illness + earthly worry. but hey – i got to ride my chemicals to the best of my ability
I’d want to spend lots of time with my estranged doggo > i haven’t seen her in 10 months. She ‘s turning 10 soon
AI brain inflammation gives me that ‘non-existing’ feeling often, it never stops being scary cos u don’t feel ANYTHING, or comprehend.
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Are you afraid of dying? No, but I am afraid of losing my friends and family when they die.
Are you afraid of what may happen after death? Not in the least.
What do you think happens after we die? I think I’d simply cease to exist. Rest in peace, as they say.
How do you want to be remembered? Fondly. I hope everyone I know remembers their happy memories of me.
What are your thoughts on burial? Cremation? Makes no difference to me whether they bury or cremate my body, really.
Do you want a funeral? Or a living funeral, aka a celebration of life? I prefer the funeral to be a celebration of life, unless it’s for someone who died young, of course.
What has your experience of death been so far? All my grandparents have died of old age, but I wasn’t really close to them, because they lived far off. I’ve not yet experienced the grief of losing someone close to me.
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I’m with you, I am way more afraid of those that I love dying than of my own death.
Although I do hope that there’s an afterlife, I am totally ok with ceasing to exist. That sounds like a nap. I like naps.
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I’m not afraid of dying, maybe nervous, because I really don’t want it to be a painful or under mal torture one. But I can’t tell if my non fear is from having to live most of my life being suicidal, or just my female biology. Based on all the stuff that I’ve read, nobody has it right, and the truth was probably lost in some female shaman’s scrolls when she was burned for speaking too much. But i do think we all return to the earth/universe/source/etc, somehow. Whether that’s rotting to feed the earth, or our spirit going back to the universe goop. Honestly I don’t want to be remembered, except for the stuff that I wrote that helped other people, I don’t want my self to be twisted into whatever people think I should be, without any chance to interact with them. Cremation, I guess, so a mal doesn’t do anything to my corpse. I’d rather people party because I’ve been to funerals and they’re boring as shit, even when you knew the person well, I’d rather do my grieving in private, not in front of mals that’ll use it for wank material, or people who will see me as effeminite and weak for being a crying mess.
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Yeah that’s my thoughts that I don’t even really want to have people thinking all this stuff about me without a chance to interact with me. I don’t care about anyone remembering me or think about it. I wish I had better relationships with people now. That’s what I care about, not what anyone is thinking after I leave this life. I just hope some things I do help someone live better and with less suffering.
I definitely don’t want to leave a body for men to do stuff with either. 🤮 Even if they just do all the stuff they are “supposed to” for burial that is all really horrible as it is, to take out bodily fluids and embalm bodies and then put makeup on them to try to look more alive. I find the whole thing fucking creepy. When anyone dies that I am responsible for deciding, they get cremated and when I die I want the same thing. When I manage to get myself some land, I want to put my dog and cat and my dad’s ashes that I have in a tree that I plant there so their earthly remains can grow back into the land.
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I don’t like the idea of funerals either. They sound horrible to me. I’ve never been to one. When my dad died we had a little memorial thing in the park for his siblings and coworkers to come to and that was okay like that.
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Funerals are such a male idea. Males are so obsessed with appearance/performance, and funerals are a pretty good example of that. They pump the body full of chemicals in an ironic attempt to keep the insides from rotting so that the corpse looks “good”.
There’s a green funeral movement, not in our area of the country, but on the west coast, where some (coincidentally female) morticians are educating people on how to prepare bodies at home, and burying in a natural state, without the embalming and sewing and packing and primping. Caitlyn Dougherty has a YouTube channel about this, she is very good, if you can ignore the trannie/”sex worker” propoganda that she spouts.
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Are you afraid of dying?
I don’t feel particularly afraid of dying though I have to imagine I’d live with somewhat more urgency if I knew I was going to die in the near future. I am much more concerned with quality of life than quantity of life. I was suicidal on-and-off from adolescence into my twenties but that stopped when I stopped blaming myself for everything (and a lot of other things).
Are you afraid of what may happen after death? No. I think maybe more ancient cultures focused on the afterlife so much because they didn’t live as long and death came more easily and more frequently into their lives.
What do you think happens after we die? If there is an afterlife, I hoped that it is a release of Earthly worries. I guess I do kind of wish to be reunited with loved ones who have died.
How do you want to be remembered? I hope I leave a mostly positive mark on the world. It makes me happy to think that I bring a little laughter into someone’s life or help them to feel like they can be themselves.
What are your thoughts on burial? Cremation? I’d like to be cremated and have my ashes spread in the Redwoods and along The Point Reyes National Seashore. I don’t really like the idea of being buried.
Do you want a funeral? Or a living funeral, aka a celebration of life? Funerals are more for the living than they are for the dead so I guess whatever people who knew me would like. If I had a wish for what would happen, I guess I’d like them to just socialize, laugh, and relax together for awhile.
What has your experience of death been so far? I’ve lost a lot of pets. I have been close to causing my own death a few times. I’ve lost people I cared for but wasn’t particularly close to. A friend of mine is very ill and may die. I guess I get sad at the thought of not having certain people or pets in my life anymore because I enjoy them or they comfort me but I also don’t think death is the worst thing in the world. Like change, it’s one of the only certainties in life.
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I am not afraid of dying, so much as I am afraid of the pain of dying. I don’t want to linger, in pain. Once I see the light, I am going to just run right at it. And I am glad to hear that you aren’t suicidal, anymore.
I have lost a lot of pets, too. They are the main reason, if not the only reason, that I hope that death is transitional instead of final. I so badly want to be with them, where they are. I so hope that they are somewhere, enjoying their existence, eating snacks and napping on comfy pillows, and having a wonderful time. I hope that we are just temporarily separated, that I will see them again.
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Are you afraid of dying? Yes
Are you afraid of what may happen after death? No
What do you think happens after we die? Nothing
How do you want to be remembered? I want everyone to look at pictures of me and listen to music I liked.
What are your thoughts on burial? Cremation? I would rather be cremated–easier on the environment and you can still have a gravesite for people to visit.
Do you want a funeral? Or a living funeral, aka a celebration of life? Yes, I’ve been to a number of really nice memorial services that were helpful to the mourning, and I’d like something like that.
What has your experience of death been so far? My father, who despite being male was a lovely person, spent way too long straddling the wall between life and death. He’d have been much better off dying suddenly, although the five months he spent hanging on by a thread made it a little easier for my mother and me to get used to the idea of living without him. I’d rather err on the side of getting unplugged too soon than too late if that’s what it comes down to.
I’m not old nor terminally ill, but given that anyone can die at any time, my main focus is living long enough to finish raising my children. I’d also like to pay off my house, have satisfying sex, and help my family before I die. And maybe raise some more puppies and kittens?
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I want to be cremated, too. WITH FIRE. The water cremation freaks me out more than people standing around chatting while looking at (what would likely be) my badly made-up corpse before burying my remains in the ground.
I am sorry to hear that your father lingered in a difficult state for 5 months. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. And I agree about pulling the plug, it’s much better to do it too soon than too late.
Most days, I feel like I am just…….. hanging around, waiting to leave this place, lol. But. There’s always more puppies and kittens.😃
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As far as what I think happens from death, I believe that we are reincarnated in various ways that we can’t begin to understand. Men have come up with all these ridiculous hierarchical systems they see as how our spirit would move according to their hubris. Of course they see us below them and the “highest being” is a man lol. That’s all nonsense, every living being holds spirit energy and I think maybe non living beings hold life energy in some way because everything is living on a deep level. Everything is made up of constantly moving vibrating atoms. We are all imbued with life through the hum of the universe, the sound energy that flows through us all and is constantly moving. When we are done here we move onto somewhere else that we couldn’t begin to speculate where. I see existence as multidimensional, planes of existence stacked upon each other and universes stretched out endlessly. I feel it is bigger than anything we could possibly imagine. When we dream, I see that as a return to the source of life where we have to continually recharge our life energy and we live many lives in our dreams, exploring endless possibilities.
The thought of death is often a comfort to me to think one day I will be free from all the pain of this life. Eventually we are all free of the pain of this life. No matter what horrors happen here, death washes everything away like water flowing over you and then you are somewhere new. Life is meant to be a constant exploration. Even a painful existence lets you explore thoughts and feelings from your existence. When we return to the source we can tap into the universal consciousness that we can only catch glimpses of while our consciousness is contained in these limited bodies because these are merely containers for our infinite souls.
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This is a really good way of looking at it. I don’t really know, of course, but I lean towards what we typically think of multiple dimensions, mostly because we are energy and I don’t think that energy disappears, it just changes form.
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We are all connected energy flowing together. Our physical bodies create separation, but the energy of life flows through everything. When we die our life energy has to go somewhere. Nothing is static, it’s always changing. When everything is quiet enough around you and in your mind you can hear and feel the hum of the universe, the sound energy that flows through everything in existence. Monks try to replicate it when they chant om to get in touch with the universal sound energy. Health and happiness is getting in tune with the energy flow. This is what we are and what everything is, energy, sound, vibrations. Matter vibrating constantly in endless perpetual motion. A cycle of never ending change with no beginning or ending.
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I’m not that afraid of dying myself, of course I’m somewhat afraid and I think we all are but I think I’m more curious than afraid. I was so sick I thought I was dying at one point so I think I’ve sort of come to terms with death already because of that. But I am terrified of my loved ones dying early or in awful ways. I lost two of my sweet little kitties in horrific ways because some piece of shit man abused dogs and trained them to attack and then let them run loose. I don’t think I’ll ever really recover from that completely, it’s fucked me up really bad. And my dad traumatized me pretty bad too by killing himself and how he just dropped out of my life for a long time before that and would’t respond to me so I didn’t know what was happening with him. I’m so afraid that anything bad will happen to my remaining family now.
Even a natural death of old age is horrible though. My dog was my first death. She lived a long life to old age and I thought she would die naturally, I was so afraid to make the decision to get her the shot and it hurt so bad to lose her. She was in pain for too long and I still feel bad about it but it’s such a hard position to be in to make that decision for someone you love who can’t tell you what they want.
As far as my own life, I’m very afraid that I will have something awful happen to me before I really get to get anything done. I have this overwhelming feeling that I have shit to do that needs to be done. I didn’t get a good start in life because my parents were poor and didn’t know how to help me with things and they were working all the time. I had to mostly teach myself everything most of my life. I have to get things on track immediately to make the things happen that I see in my head and make some helpful changes that do good things. Then I will have a peaceful place to just exist to and I can be calm and happy. After I do some things with my life I’m not concerned with exactly when I die, though of course I hope to make it to old age. But right now I am determined to keep going and make my thoughts reality in this world.
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In one of Betty White’s books, she said that her mother told her that death is a secret, and when you die, you finally get let in on the secret. I like that.
Losing pets is difficult. At one time, I had 13 dogs, everything was fine for years. They were in 3 age groups, so I lost the age groups close to one another, I am down to my last group, they are very, very senior.
That’s part of what this post is about. Losing my last dog is a different kind of obstacle, for me, this time. It’s like I have shifted into a different mental or emotional place, and it’s really distressing.
I can’t relate to getting things done. I try really hard to avoid doing things. And I am pretty successful at it. Not looking to change it.😉😋😊
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Yes death is the ultimate mystery in life that we will all find out eventually. It’s always fascinated me and I’ve always been pretty morbid since I was little. Going through my old books there are so many ghost and other supernatural books more than anything else. I wanted to learn about death and decay and spirits, wondering about what comes after this.
My cats and my fish are all are getting up there in age and it’s really scaring me. My girls are already 13 and my boy is 14. My oldest fish is about 15 now. I want to find us a nice place to settle down so they can have a nice peaceful place to live out the rest of their lives and I can focus more on taking the best possible care of them and just enjoying our time together. Right now I am so stressed all the time. It’s hard to get to that point. I have so much stuff to get done omg I am so overwhelmed. I wish I had people to help me.
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