It’s too much, man. Come in here, tell us about it.

It’s Monday morning, here in the southern united states, and I am wondering about how women are doing.

I am hanging in there. It’s hard. I am overwhelmed. Not gonna lie.

Part of how I deal with things is that I try to put a shine on my personal life, I try to accentuate the positive. Everything sucks and we are all in hell, but there’s still pie, and dogs, and ice cream, there’s still a lot to like about living.

And writing is part of how I deal with that. But sometimes, it’s overwhelming. Do I write about the ACLU suing the DOJ in washington state? They are suing to block a FOIA request from a woman who wants to know how many males are in female prisons, claiming that no one knows who the males are and that one of the reasons that they need their anonymity protected is that the women may rape them, if women find out which ones of them is male.

Do I write about the state of louisiana having a push to legalize paid rape of women and girls? Because even though the red states know that female people are the fucktoilets that they force to have babies, and that males are not and can never be women, males continue to push us into whatever suits their penis. And nothing pleases penis like prostitution.

Or how about Scotland. Where university is pushing troon inclusion, and in the written instructions, is some of the scariest male demands that I have seen as of late, including that we are no longer allowed to be “trans avoidant”. As well as it is demanded to not overly focus on biological markers.

At college.

In classes.

Or how about elliott page, who knows she is really a male because she abhors being treated as we are always treated, as fucktoys, as lesser, as sex servants. Being female means that we enjoy being sexually harassed, groped, raped, and when we refuse that treatment, then we must really be male.

Or billie ellish on the cover of vogue. Which is giving me Avril levigne flashbacks.

Or what about the division that women discussing elliott page, or billie ellish, is creating, and having women who understandably feel betrayal being told by other women that criticism of page or ellish is misogynist and bad?

What about richard dawkins. And his hatred of Women outweighing his (supposed) love of science and facts.

Or how about the girls in connecticut that were suing to keep boys off of their track teams having their case dismissed. The original girls are through high school, that fight is over. In part, because of Biden, who removed his office from the suit.

There’s also a huge uptick in male domestic violence on women and girls, in some places, it’s up 300%, due to covid-19. Covid has definitely been more deadly to women and girls. Because males are histerical over it. And when males have a feeling, it almost always manifests as violence directed at us.

It’s all too much. I have been working on a post about privilege and male children, and I continually take breaks from it because it is so bleak.

The overwhelming is intentional. While males will frame their dominance and colonization of Women and Girls as “nuance” or “having no easy solution” or “inclusion”, their penis keeps marching on all fronts, hiding behind their performance of bumbling and really, really trying, and the penis is just “confused”, but trying to be “fair to everyone”.

It’s so transparent, and stupid, and just so male, that it would be funny if they weren’t so pathetically greedy.

So while I am trying to pick a topic out of hundreds, tell us how you are doing, if you would like to talk.

If you would like to talk, but don’t know what to say, tell me about your hobbies, or about what you are watching, or reading. Tell me your favorite snack. Tell me about your dog, or your cat, or your ferret, bird, or hedgehog. Do you put anything in your coffee? Or tea? Do you prefer jam or jelly?

Tell us anything. But if you don’t want to talk, but you read here, know that you are a part of the global sisterhood, and that I wish good things for you, my sisters, on this day, and every other day. I hope that you can find at least a few moments of peace and joy in every day.

Jayne

29 thoughts on “It’s too much, man. Come in here, tell us about it.

  1. I’m not as much a writer as you all are (I’m sure you got straight-As in your writing/composition tests, and in all other tests too – you all are so eloquent & lucid!)
    Anyway, I had recovered from a bout of illness & have been dealing with a pile-up at work after days of sick leave. I’m fine now, by God’s grace.
    I too really hope there won’t be any mandatory vaccination (I hear Israel had done that:(). All govts seem to be sold out to big pharma and their cohorts. In my country, the population is way too much, and the administration is usefully inept, and there is a lot of red-tape, so I’m hoping that there will be atleast a few hurdles to implementing such rules even if they wanted to, or that there will be some space for us to slip through even if they do enforce it (hope not). Hopefully they won’t get any more efficient helping-hands to implement it – if they wanted to.

    Take care of your health sisters – we can’t afford (financially or physically) to fall into the hands of modern “medicine”. Eat as healthy as possible. Include herbs and spices in your diet (Of course, some herbs/spices may be contraindicated for some conditions or if you are undergoing some treatments. For example, ginger must be handled with caution or avoided by those taking blood thinners. So, some research needs to be done before adding them..). Follow some genuine naturopaths on the Internet (I believe “Goodness Lover”/Sarah Otto on youtube shares some genuine content from genuine naturopath doctors. And naturalhealth365 website too. I just scan through them out of interest. Our country’s traditional food is already quite a bit in line with what they recommend. Even naturopath doctors may not be perfect, though unquestionably far better than “conventional” doctors, and their solutions _may_ not apply to every single person. But we can learn quite a bit about our body, and bolster our faith in nature. That’s the main reason I check them out.)

    More than all that, I really want to thank you for sharing your wisdom through this blog. I find so much wisdom and clarity of vision here, and am very grateful for pearls of such natural, genuine wisdom to be available to me. I hope I’ll be a good student & one day have some of the clarity of vision that you and all our sisters who join us here have. Love you lots. Take care of your precious self! God Bless you all! XOXO

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I don’t want to derail the comments at CRE, and I believe RFS said she doesn’t mind if we talk about off-topic things here? Are you ok, RFS, with me continuing the discussion about Terri here? I’ve been wanting to talk to women about her bizarre behavior over the past year.

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    1. Of course.

      You are welcome to talk about whatever you like.

      Did you want me to start a new post? That way, women will see it.

      Or you can direct them here. Whatever is best for you.

      I will be around to approve any new commenters.

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  3. Sorry to do this this way, but have you seen this? It’s Maria. I just got back in from having a yell at the black male up the street to was screeching at me because I gave him a dirty look for blasting his radio. He had a mantrum in the street bleating at me while I stood in my yard, lol! His wife stopped in front of my house…for some reason I haven’t quite worked out…..probably because they are so oppressed they live on the same block as me or something….LOL! I went to jail for another one of these males who did the same thing who lives across the street….6 times or more for not putting up with their mantrum obnoxious noise making bullshit—and that’s why I’m in federal court right now…..waiting for a white male in a robe to tell me I am correct because facts and logic exist or to OPINE otherwise……because he can….. because someone who isn’t me is more oppressed or something…..anyway….again, apologies for doing it this way but thought you might be interested:

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  4. Hi, everyone! RFS, sorry you’re struggling with overwhelm. It’s understandable!

    I just looked up Eilish on Vogue. “It’s all about what makes you feel good” — attributed to a woman wearing some plastic saran wrap and a torture device bra contraption that looks like it was inspired by a straitjacket. How fitting. Pain is pleasure to us silly females, right? That’s why we’re not oppressed and no one talks much about sexism or misogyny in the woke left. Because we like pain!!

    Whenever I can, I’ve been researching the experimental pharmaceutical injection they want us all to take. Unfortunately I have to think about it and try to formulate plan B if it gets to be mandated. I saw a poll of people with my illness who took it and almost half of them got new or worse symptoms that haven’t gone away even several weeks since the first dose. I’ve already lost so much to illness and I don’t really want to be further disabled to where I REALLY can’t support myself, instead of hanging by a thread as I do now. But there I go, being a “selfish anti-vaxxer,” according to corporate and state-controlled media. Anyway I’m considering if I’d be able to leave the country to a less developed one where they’d be less likely to enforce mandates, and how I could manage the possibility of never seeing some people I care about again if it comes to that. I’m so angry about this. And scared.

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    1. That’s interesting that you saw a poll. All I’ve seen is an early report that people with chronic illness felt better once they got the shot, lol. Maybe it’s like getting infected with parasites, where it does make people feel better for awhile to have their immune systems attacking something else for a change, instead of attacking our own tissues. But the parasite therapy seems like it was just a fad and didn’t last, and the relief was only temporary for some reason. And then you still have to deal with being full of worms. I wonder what the vaxxed people think now that it’s been a few weeks or months. Are they still feeling better? Was it worth it? I get scared too if I think about it, because like you say, I can’t afford to be any sicker than I am right now. I can barely function and take minimal care of myself as it is. Sick people who don’t have the luxury of being surrounded by enablers, who enable them to destroy themselves with Big Pharma and then take care of them when they get worse, are fortunate in a way. I’m glad I don’t have “supportive” friends and family who would hold my hand while I walk off that cliff (or who would push me themselves). If I “have to” get this vaccine for some reason, it will likely be the end of me honestly. I hope that doesn’t happen. Where do you think you might go, and what would you do once you got there?

      Liked by 3 people

      1. Hey CRE! I saw that, too, about them getting better. I know sometimes people with ME/cfs feel a reduction in normal symptoms when they have an acute illness like a cold or flu. So I think your parasite comparison is apt, haha.  And as you know, the long-term effects are what’s concerning, seeing as these things were not tested on anyone long-term. So I guess we’ll know more as the mass experiment gives us more data. Anecdotal data, of course, since they’re not reporting on the adverse effects as it is.

        I’m considering returning to Mexico. (I’m from the US but spent several years as an adult in Latin America.) I do freelance work online, so I could do that there. There are many things I like about that area, but the increased patriarchal nature of the culture is not one of them. If some new world order shit gets (further) rolled out, there might be no escape anywhere, but at least living in rural Mexico would buy me some time. Or at least I’d be more likely to afford hiring a woman to help caretake if I get sicker. I’ve actually been considering the move for some time just because I can barely afford the US and have no medical insurance here. But there are lots of issues in Mexico, and being an obviously foreign woman in an impoverished area if things get significantly worse could put a big target on one’s back. So I’m not sure.

        There are just no good options. I wish people who ridicule and want to cast us out of society for our “refusal” could understand this — really sick people are barely surviving already. One more big hit to the immune, digestive or hormonal system could push us over the edge into total incapacitation. And as a woman, there’s no fate worse than being 100% vulnerable to whatever male is around.

        I only wish I had the luxury of blind trust in the medical system, because it usually means that person hasn’t lost everything to illness that doctors can’t or won’t treat.

        I truly hope I’m being paranoid and we won’t be mandated to get it in order to enter a grocery store or whatever. There is still that possibility.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. How about Bruce Caitlin Jenner being the voice of reason on the issue of males in female sports? That was crazy. I was feeling like the entire world had gone insane, and then Bruce steps in and made me feel better. By acknowledging reality, and speaking about fairness to girls. Which immediately made me feel worse. What?? We are officially in clown world now I guess, with Bruce Jenner, late stage transitioner and AGP taking a principled stand against “biological boys” making female sports unfair to actual females. What on earth. Why does Bruce Jenner even care? That’s what I don’t get. It’s not like calling trans males biological males, or supporting females, is going to help his chances of winning California. And he doesn’t have a chance at ever being President. And I seriously doubt he even cares about females. So what’s he doing? It occurs to me that, as a male himself, he was just talking out his ass, saying what he really thinks, and didn’t care about the consequences. His handlers, meanwhile, must be shitting themselves, and seeing their chances of following on his coattails, uh, princess dress train, being flushed down the toilet. They must feel like Elliot Spitzer’s handlers and sycophants felt when he got caught abusing prostitutes. I was working for a nonprofit in Manhattan at the time (funded by Harvey Weinstein, yay) and I got to hear the director talking about how so many people’s livelihoods and futures were destroyed when Spitzer wrecked his chances of ever being President.

    I have a post I want to write, about mothers and patriarchal motherhood, and I want to post it on Mother’s Day. I might not write it, or post it, because I hate that the topic is so divisive to women, and I don’t want to personally insult women who are lovely people and who otherwise support me and my work. Some of my best friends are mothers! Har, har. That’s actually true, and yet, I have such critical thoughts and feelings about mothers and they don’t want to hear it even more than I don’t want to say it. I’m not planning on being nice about it, either.

    And Billie Ellish on Vogue, Jesus. She looked stunning, and I appreciate high-end skivvies from a design and engineering (and quality) standpoint. But that’s where female empowerment always ends up, innit. With getting naked in public. Because there are people who say you shouldn’t, and young women start out wanting to be free of expectations, but then they always have to push back against prudery, like it’s the final oppression, or something. I feel like it’s a trick. But I never trusted her because of her huge fake nails, anyway. I could tell she had someone in her ear telling her that she could cover her body all she wanted, but she needed to do this one, small thing that would signal to everyone that she was still “normal” and what that means is fuckable. Because of her fake nails, her Vogue spread was forseeable, and consistent with her brand IMO. It’s really depressing, but I always found her depressing because of her nails. I wasn’t expecting anything interesting from her and I wasn’t disappointed, lol. I do like a lot of her music, but I feel like commercially, everyone was ready for a change from the big voices of the aughts, American Idol and whatnot. And that that’s what her popularity was really about. Planned obsolescence is a goldmine for the men at the top of every industry. Now that I think about it, there were probably a dozen Billie Ellishes before this one, who never got anywhere bc the commercial music titans weren’t done making money of the belters, yet.

    And don’t even get me started on Elliot Page. She weighs 5 pounds and thinks she is a man. Okay. Will someone please tell her that real men don’t actually go to the doctor? Not willingly, anyway. She couldn’t possibly be more feminine than she is now, being the submissive, compliant patient and now being dependent on Big Medicine and Big Pharma for the rest of her life.

    Me and the cats are fine. It’s getting to be Spring/Summer here but we keep having freezes so they are telling everyone to not plant outdoors yet. I keep thinking maybe I will plant tomatoes this year. I have been saying that for the last few years, bc I have a little patio and a yard. There is no water spigot out there tho, so I would have to haul water from inside. I’m not sure I’m well enough, to be honest. I would like a salsa garden, with tomatoes, and green onions and cilantro. I think I could do those in pots, at least, without having to think about building beds. If I built beds I could have jalepenos and onions and garlic too. That would save me money bc I always buy those when I go to the store. I think growing things is witchy too, I appreciated hearing that from one of the comments. I might have to settle for being a home brewer of kombucha, as my witchy outlet. It’s much less labor intensive than gardening but brewing/fermenting is very witchy. And kombucha is good. 🙂 I’m glad to see you and sorry you are feeling overwhelmed. Now I want pie.

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    1. I always want pie. And ice cream.

      I watched bruce jenner’s reality show, when he first went all troonsy, and a big part of it were other troons dragging him about (pun intended) and showing him how males in dresses are all of the Oppressed. But it was clear that he couldn’t grasp it. You know. Like all white males are blind to literally everything. He is just fine, and lacking basic empathy, he couldn’t see how other people may not be ok. As far as he was concerned, troons could get a job at McDonald’s to pay for their “tittie skittles”. Because boot straps and all.

      While I can appreciate that he has the societal position to say whatever he wants to, he won’t be able to enforce anything that doesn’t benefit males in male law, even if he gets into office. Knowing that would make it easier for me to refuse to vote for him, because I wouldn’t vote for him based solely on the fact that I would never be any part of anything that would have a nasty XY counted as the first female governor of california.

      Males control hollywood. They control the music industry. Women are allowed fame and money within strict parameters, mostly surrounding their boner. Does billie ellish want to be famous and rich? Then she will do what pleases boners. Any individuality, especially of just pure talent with no centering of boner, will not be allowed from women.

      And I straight up have zero tolerance for elliott page. A lot of women say that she seems sick, and mentally ill, and while I do have some sympathy for that, I have no empathy for a woman who jumps onto the penis train in an effort to improve her own lot when she was already rich and comfortable, throwing the rest of us under the bus, in the process. I hope that she can be a cool oppressor, I hope that she begins to be paid as much as every “other” white male, I hope that she is welcomed into the class of male as the king that she thinks herself to be.

      I don’t think that it’s going to break her way, though. I am happy to think of her as trash, though, just like I do all males. Don’t want to discriminate against elliot, you know.

      I don’t know how much it rains where you are, but could you collect rainwater? To water plants? And I am always glad to see you, too.

      Liked by 2 people

    2. Oh, I also wanted to mention, if you can find john oliver on youtube, or hbo max, if you have it, he had coverage about how people are refusing the covid vaccine due to reasonable concerns.

      The media has been saying things like “40% of marines refuse vaccine”, in an attempt to acknowledge that there are huge swaths of people who are just quietly refusing to take it because they don’t trust it. So they are having to say something, because so many of us are just not taking it, and we aren’t saying why.

      In my town, where people routinely die from lacking access to basic care, and basic medicine, like insulin, Walmart had a sign up a few days ago, COVID VACCINE, FREE, NO ONE PAYS, NO WAITING, and I didn’t see a single person taking it.

      I know people, personally, I have seen people die because they couldn’t afford the most basic care, care that is free to everyone in other countries. But this is somehow different? This is not EVIL SOCIALISM? The government can cover this for everyone, and it’s not the evil government healthcare? The very fact that the government is frothing at the mouth for everyone to access it, for free, sets off all of my “american exceptionalism” alarm bells.

      And if you watch the john oliver coverage, he talks to melinda gates, who answers the concern that there is some kind of tracking device in the vaccine, by saying “there’s no tracking device in the vaccine because we don’t have the technology for it, yet, hahahahahaha”, I wasn’t watching, I was only listening, but it was creepy as fuck, and john oliver acknowledged how odd it was.

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      1. Melinda and Bill Gates are getting divorced, apparently, as of today. I wonder what happened with them, and if it had anything to do with the lockdowns and the vaccines. Both of them are just flatly crazy, from what I can tell. They laugh at the most inopportune times. Like Bill laughed when saying we will all be sorry when the second wave comes through. That’s so funny, Bill. But seriously, those two are seriously weird. I really do wonder what they are up to. Also, I’ve seen pics of Melinda looking exactly like Caitlin Jenner. The conspiracy theorists think she is a man. Unless the pic I saw was photoshopped to look exactly like Caitlin Jenner (it probably was) I think they are on to something. Thanks for the recommend.

        I was in Walmart the other day and they kept making the announcement that there were free COVID vaccines available at the pharmacy, lol. People here never wore masks from day one, for the most part. They aren’t getting vaxxed in great numbers either, although I know of one person who got the J&J vaccine. She got talked out of the mRna ones by her friends and family. That’s a really good point about the motivation to offer it for free, for everyone, when they are perfectly happy to let everyone suffer and die normally. There are so many levels of deceit happening here, obviously. It’s exhausting trying to even figure it out. Instinctively staying the hell out of it seems like the best thing to do with this obvious shitshow.

        We are in the middle of a catastrophic drought here, so no collecting rainwater. It’s illegal, anyway, I think. I wonder if it’s even legal to grow things in our yards. I remember you saying that your local government made you poison all your plants with glyphosate because they saw you had vines growing on your fence. I know we have government stooges here whose job it is to drive around all day, probably drinking beer and eating McDonald’s and watching porn on their phones, bc they are men and don’t have to be supervised while working, and all they do is look for violations and report them. My friend got in trouble for her fence, or her mailbox or something, idk, from this guy. He kept showing up at her house, too, until she fixed whatever he said she was doing wrong. I knew there were building inspectors and things driving around making sure no one is building without a permit, but I hadn’t realized there are lots of people out there from various agencies who just drive around all day reporting people for coloring outside the lines. Anyway. It hasn’t rained or snowed here in adequate amounts in many years. The first year I was here, there was lots of rain, and tons of snow, and I got the wrong impression of what it’s really like here most of the time, which is dry, dry, dry. I’ve heard that the climate has changed drastically here in the last 20 years to being consistently drought-stricken. I would definitely have to haul water if I want to grow anything outside.

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      2. Bill gates has the cash to solve hunger for a large part of the planet, if not all of it.

        But he doesn’t use his resources to “help” everyone get enough to eat.

        But this is how he helps.

        He is a citizen of the states. He could solve hunger here. 100%.

        He could pay off all student debt.

        He could provide housing for all of the homeless.

        He could do a million things that would fix poverty, that he profits from, in his own home country.

        But he isn’t interested in doing that.

        But he is pushing for everyone to take a vaccine? Where the big prize is that you will be allowed to go without a mask while you are outside?

        I don’t listen to him talk enough to make any kind of judgement about him or melinda and their reactions to things, but the fact that he will accept silently billions of dollars in cash from the government during a pandemic, while millions of poor people lost almost the same amount that he and his boyfriends gained, tells me all I need to know about him.

        He is a horrible thing, ruled by greed and his own delusions of being some kind of nerd king. I care more about what my dog thinks.

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      3. You know, maybe Bruce Jenner just really appreciates sports, or identifies with athletes, or something. Afaik he has never said anything critical of “biological boys” or adult males being in female spaces, or anything about “fairness” in any other context. It’s hard for me to believe any trans male cares about anything except their own transness, and their own feels, but Bruce was an Olympic athlete, a gold medalist ffs, and a legitimate, serious competitor and he really is in his own league as far as sports go. Maybe he actually cares about sports. Or, maybe he respects female athletes and some of them have told him what’s going on and he is taking their side. He actually used the phrase “biological boys” too, when referring to male children who want to trans which is also interesting. I’m not sure I was aware, before, that he doesn’t think that trans males are biologically women.

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      4. It’s likely that they do have it.

        If you can, watch the john oliver video, it’s about 25 minutes.

        It’s fascinating, that people who don’t want the vaccine went silent, and there’s been a concerted effort to approach us differently.

        They had to stop with the shouts of COVID DENIER and CRAZY ANTI VACCER, because there are just so many people that won’t take it. The approach is completely different, now, with the “misunderstandings” and “legitimate questions”.

        And all of the answers to all of the questions seem to all be coming from the same entity. Big pharma.

        And the comments. So many about how people in poorer countries want the vaccine, but can’t afford it, and silly Americans refusing to take it.

        But once again, some of those poor countries that can’t afford to buy the vaccine have ask big pharma for the formula so that they can make it themselves, only to be told NO.

        But benevolent big pharma, who loves people, and only wants to stop the deadly pandemic, will sell it to the government of the states, it’s own government,for the people to have for free! With complete legal immunity, of course!

        Liked by 3 people

  6. It’s getting warmer so soon I’m going to go to the little forest area near me and plant raspberries and herbs and wild flowers (is it illegal? Idk and idc).

    Also going to go on a shopping spree for gardening stuff, an essential oil distiller, a chemistry kit, and supplements, since I’ve gotten the (~irrational~) persistent feeling that shipping will soon become very slow/unrealizable.

    These days I’ve found that focusing (or dissociating?) on stuff other than males and our doom is helpful. I try to focus on my health and slowly becoming independent from society. It’s just too tiring. My parents think I’m crazy for wanting to buy an rv and some land in the mountains. Sometimes it’s hard not to feel crazy myself, but seeing things without brainwashing would make anyone crazy.

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    1. I would be inclined to think that planting a few things in the forest, which is full of vegetation, would not only be ok, but welcomed. But you can never tell with male law, it’s just so fucking draconian.

      I try to keep my observations about males clinical, though I fail at that, most of the time. I just like noting it, and seeing other women note it, as well. Males are going to do whatever they have planned, nothing that we do will ever change their course. But it’s not healthy to focus on it too much or too long.

      But there’s something positive in seeing the truth. Also, males hate it. Judging from the threats that I get from them. At least, I think that their barely coherent jabbering is a floppy little attempt at being threatening. It’s like the same 3 threats in rotation, they really just make me laugh.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. It really is affirming to talk about it, but I’ve cut back on the amount of time spent online talking about it for my own mental stability. I appreciate stuff like these blogs, pinkpillfeminism was fun but ultimately too consuming.

        I find males either hate it when you talk about this stuff, or they actually feel seen and understood lol. Sometimes they’ll confess random shit to me and it’s funny/disgusting. Better to laugh at them than to cry.

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  7. When I am overwhelmed by male generated violence and all of their various antics, I erase them. They’re not worth the time or energy spent thinking about them.
    Last fall I built a little 4 by 4 by 1 foot deep grow box. I missed my garden. There is mostly concrete in the courtyard behind my apt bldg. I love fresh herbs for cooking. I planted herbs and transplanted those I had in pots. Lol. A rabbit decided to dig a nest under my huge thyme plant. Three times I filled in her hole. Then I didn’t go back there for a few days. Last week the hole was newly dug and filled with bunnies who will have a nice salad bar when they crawl out. All of my houseplants are blooming including a second round for the Xmas cactus. Even my huge rosemary plant is blooming. I love spring with all its shades of green. Fuck those unnecessary X-WHYS.

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    1. I have bunnies in my yard! I love them! They will eat everything, though, lol.

      I put some stuff out, specifically for them, near their den, but before anything that I grow. Like veggie peels, strawberry tops, all sorts of veggie scraps. But I have a really big yard.

      One of the stores that I visit, lidl, has plant duos, this week, they have a pot that has a bell pepper plant and a tomato plant. I am pretty sure that any idiot can grow bell pepper, because I grow them easily, but I have no luck at all with tomatoes. I keep trying. But every single tomato that I grow ends up being a cherry tomato with skin tough enough to sole a boot. But maybe this year will be my year!

      I love spring, too. When I moved into my house in 1999, the maple tree by my front door was just slightly taller than me, and now, it shades most of my house. I love when the leaves come back in, after winter. I love that tree.

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  8. It has been 6 months since I had 2.5 weeks to “learn how to defend myself in court” to see if my facts and material reality overcame the attempt at summary judgement dismissal of my case. I have been harassed, stalked and punished by police since 2011, along with my husband. I was the primary target and he was collateral damage in the bourgeois “legal system”. I dropped off my habeas corpus paperwork the day I went to jail in 2019 to post in federal court. I was put in jail multiple times by women and my appeal was upheld by a female and the DA was female. All with D’s after their names. The males with R’s on my appellate panel allowed the female to lead and write the opinion that they signed off on. I am still waiting to see if my facts and material reality will be “upheld” by an OPINION from someone in a robe that our bourgeois society imparts “priest-like” omnipotence to. All law is sophistry.

    As I wait, I planted a garden in pots this year and have joy every morning checking on my babies (seedlings) waiting for my witchy herbs and vegetables to grow. I have flowers I planted from seeds that are ready to bloom and flowers all over my yard planted years ago when my children were little. I have a tiny pond with water plants I planted that self-cleans approaching 18 years old. My water irises are blooming and frogs move in every spring. I look forward to it every year. It is my peaceful place. I also hang my wash outside in spring/summer and commune with my ancestors while outside. I find it relaxing, lol!

    I am always enraged, 24/7 but it is more about what is allowed by society rather than the actual perpetrators. I understand someone with a goal and who will benefit from oppression of others more than I understand those who encourage and allow it. To me they are the dangerous of our world.

    I have two daughters in med/stem fields so they could hopefully become spinsters and be well off enough for themselves to be happy. I am a science woman myself but was in the low paid field bc female dominated and many males are too stupid to understand that reducing someone else’s pay lowers theirs. My older daughter green card married a male so he could stay here in the US. Says he “loves” her and she seems happy. I however, am Endora, from Bewitched. My younger daughter is still in school studying medical sonography and hopefully got rid of her male. I wanted to them to grow up and live without one and have a cat or two. To pursue their dreams and hobbies and be happy. It is still possible.

    I am determined to be happy some day. I deserve it. I feel compelled to write a book about the state/law so people can understand socialism is the ONLY solution to our collective problems and the there will be no “rights” or “equality” without complete economic equality. I have thought deeply about these issues, as well as discovering I AM a Marxist before ever having read the works. Prostitution, and all forms of violent/economic coercion can only end with an overthrow of the bourgeoisie likely by violent revolution. Nothing the ruling class has stolen or steals will be given up by asking politely. I am not a feminist because I find it bourgeois in its aims because it is. Always has been. I am for women’s EMANCIPATION that can only be achieved in the way in which I have described. I see no other solution. To write my book if I can, will drain me, just as writing my defense did. I have to deeply focus and it takes great energy from me. I am trying to find the energy at 55, lol, and keep coming up short lately. But I think I need to do this so I can move forward.

    That’s the short version of me.

    I am looking forward to having my older daughter home at the end of the month to celebrate her birthday. Will be making her favorite blue crabs and try making cannoli together for her “cake”. I’m Italian and am a pain in the ass about eating good food, so I usually make my own. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love hanging my wash outside. I love doing laundry, lol. I love clean clothes and sheets. I usually hang mine up all of the time, even in the winter.

      Once the police target you, it’s incredibly difficult to get out. Especially for women. And I get accused of misogyny when I talk about feeling betrayed by women who will happily throw women under the bus in service to male masters for crumbs of male approval, or social/professional position, or money or other resources. I know that I served males, I think the majority of us did that, when we were younger, before we learned or finally could see and/or understand, but I don’t think that I have ever thrown another woman under the male bus so that I could have a male crumb. I don’t consider myself be a feminist, either, because no such thing exists, anymore, and I think that emancipation is a fine word, although I consider myself to be a liberationist. Very close, if not identical.

      I love crab, good luck with the cannoli. I am german, which most german food is either sausage or just based on a dare. German food mostly has to be either sour and/or oily, lol. I love cabbage, but germans turned it into sauerkraut and called it good. Maybe it’s all the beer. Enough beer will make a bad idea seem good, I guess.

      If you write your book, let me know. I will buy the first copy and I will read it and then talk about it at length. Like I do.😋

      Liked by 1 person

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