Division between women. Patriarchal religion edition.

I was having a conversation with my closest real life friend, she was telling me about how she was proud of herself for setting boundaries and holding them with the latest XY that she is dating when one of her adult kids beeped in. It was late, I was tired and I wanted to make sure that she knew how much I support her, so I sent her this text…

…and this was her response…

She included a little joke to soften the language policing.

I was taken aback. How did we get here?

I say “fuck” a lot. I say “goddamn”. I say fucker, dick, asshole, I use a lot of colorful language unless I am in a professional setting or if there are children around. This woman has known me since October, she knows exactly how I sound.

The “more bad stuff” that she is referencing is in relation to the issues that I have had this past week with my power and water due to the criminal contractor destroying my main power line.

Apparently, I didn’t inadvertently hire an incompetent XY, I was being punished by her loving, all knowing god.

I have opinions on where her sudden policing of my language came from and why she brought that up now, I think that it’s based in triangulation, which black circe brings up for discussion here, it’s an interesting analysis and easily observable, especially since she gives examples and names the process.

The specifics of general triangulation is its own post for another day, though.

In this particular case, the triangle that I am noticing is patriarchal religion being at the pinnacle of the triangle, with the remaining 2 points of the triangle being religious women and atheist/non believing women.

Patriarchal religion is just one more thing to prevent class solidarity between women, which is why I try so hard to overcome it. I am the atheist who will listen to endless sermons disguised as casual conversations, I will laugh when threatened with eternal hellfire by your loving, compassionate god, especially when the threat comes right after the declaration of his great, immeasurable love for me.

But you know. I am getting tired.

My sister’s answer to everything is the LAWD. Her particular Christianity is very personal and it’s perfect. Nothing bad ever happens to her because she has learned how to listen to her god, and no one else is capable of doing that. If only women would tune into her god like she does, then they wouldn’t die of cancer, or be victims of violent males, or be poor, because god really wants to make your life good, but you have to be able to reCiEve iT and anyone who is not receiving safety, wealth and perfect health is just refusing to receive the LAWD’s free gifts.

One week ago, I brought a rescue puppy to live with me, cleotis and peazy. Apparently, this is contrary to the LAWD’s “timing”, per my sister’s direct line to her non-existent god.

Not once has she asked about the puppy. Not once has she said anything remotely positive or joyful about one of the very, very few joyful events that I have had in this past year.

She has said that “the LAWD’s timing is everything”. She has said that she can no longer watch videos of cleotis, anymore, because she is so incredibly sad that I have replaced cleotis with a puppy.

She has said that there will always be puppies available and that getting a puppy when cleotis is so old is like “bringing a 20 year old into a nursing home.” (If you understand this comparison, please let me know what the fuck it’s supposed to mean.)

The condescending attitude, the clicking of her tongue, the shaking of her head, while explaining to poor, godless me has pushed me to the fucking breaking point. She feels such agonizing, arrogant pity for me, who has a failed second marriage because I kept her god out of it, who is depressed, tired, and angry because I just refuse to let her god fix everything for me.

Last night (Friday), she was telling me about a woman in her 70s who is taking care of her older sister and her mother without any help, and how this woman was trying to get assistance for their care. I started to say something, I don’t even know what it was, when she cut me off to tell me that I was wrong.

Maybe I was wrong. But she couldn’t possibly know that, I hadn’t been able to complete the first sentence.

So I listened to her talk, asking the occasional question, and when she ran out of topics, I said that I was going to bed.

She asked if I was mad, I said no, and when she pressed, I said that she hadn’t let me finish my point, that she did that a lot, and that I was happy to let her talk and I would just listen. She replied that she knew exactly what I was going to say.

How is that possible? I don’t even know exactly what I was going to say.

What a dreadful bore all people must be, when you know exactly what they are going to say, even before they, themselves, know.

Then she did that thing, that big sigh, that long-suffering “go ahead and say whatever you were going to say” and I declined because I am just tired.

But then, you know, I am the asshole because I acCusEd her of “cutting me off” and she offered to listen to whatever dreadful, boring, godless drivel I was going to spout, but I am just a big old baby who is being difficult.

I am tired of pretending that some women are not insufferable assholes when they are obviously insufferable assholes, and Christianity breeds a very specific kind of insufferable asshole.

My sister doesn’t know me, I don’t know her, I thought that we were 2 adults that were getting to know each other based on the commonality of our parents. I am interested in her life, in her job, in her friends, how she spends her free time.

She is not interested in me. At all. She hasn’t asked to read a single thing that I write, I sent her one single post (Jackie’s memorial post), if she read it, I don’t know it, because she never mentioned it. When I mentioned once that Mr Jayne never was interested in reading anything that I wrote, her response was why would he be interested? He was married to me, he already knew what I thought about things, that it’s ridiculous to expect him to read anything that I write.

She once told me that worth comes from her god, and that people without her god couldn’t possibly have purpose because purpose and worth only come from her god. I told her that was bullshit, that I absolutely do have worth and purpose, only to have her tell me that she never said that I was worthless and purposeless.

Why do religious women insist on using religion as a bludgeon against other women?

I have watched religious women fight amongst themselves about their position within patriarchal religious hierarchies and it’s as heartbreaking as it is stupid.

Centering patriarchal religion is centering males. It’s a waste of time and energy. I am refusing to participate, and that includes sitting passively waiting for religious women to finish reading me for filth so that I can try to find any bit of common ground with them.

While those women will always have my solidarity, they will no longer be getting my time, energy, support or affection. (I am talking about this specific group of religious women, not all of them, to be clear).

Jayne