When he has a daughter. So he “understands”. But not really.

Sometime back in my internet interactions, I met him. We have ALL met him.

He is “mr. I have a daughter/sister/mother/aunt/wife” and he UNDERSTANDS.

He will explain to you that he was unable to fully understand how horrible male sexual terrorism affects women and girls, but now that it affects HIS woman/girl, well! Now he totally gets it!

Does everyone hate this asshole? Or is it just me?

My general rule is to avoid interactions with xy whenever possible, and that extends to the internet. The legion males who came at me with this bullshit before I gave up on interacting with males altogether never appreciated my response…

I am not your daughter, your wife, your girlfriend, I am not ANYTHING in relation to you. All of us, all women and girls, ALL OF US deserve the same rights that you enjoy, and the same respect, by virtue of the simple fact that we fucking exist. And your shitty statement of unnecessary, self serving “solidarity” is not wanted or needed by me. Do you think that pathetically attempting to paint yourself as some kind of ally means anything? Your vapid statement is empty and thoughtless, as you obviously miss what you are telling me when you say it, that you were blind until you saw YOUR female relatives (property) being affected by male violence, most of it sexual. Women are human beings that deserve the same existence as males secure for themselves, even when we are not “yours”.

Me. In response to mr. I Have a Daughter.

The first male that I met that held this bullshit as part of his personal truth was my father.

My father was absolutely a woman hater, a sexist, a misogynist, but his daughter was SPECIAL.

He wanted to provide me every opportunity to survive and thrive, he plainly stated that I should never be dependent on a male for anything, that I should always maintain my independence, and he wanted to help me grow into an adult woman who could take care of myself.

And he absolutely did that. He provided me all of the education that I wanted. He tried to give me every opportunity.

He saw me as a “cool girl”, I wasn’t “like the other girls”. He saw me as an extension of himself, I was a girl, but I was HIS DAUGHTER. And his daughter deserved special, unique chances that other girls were not capable of enacting on to their own advantage, his daughter was smarter, faster, better than the other girls.

But in truth, I was not any better than the other girls. I wasn’t different, I wasn’t above them. I always knew that. He was much slower to the realization.

And what a huge disappointment I was, to him.

When he finally discovered this reality, then he let his misogyny fly so fucking freely that I didn’t speak to him for the last several years of his life.

So when a dudebro informs me that he “really gets it now” because he “has a (female relative)”, he is a LIAR. He is telling you that HIS female people are special and different from the other female people, that HIS are above, better, deserving.

Eventually, his hatred will show itself. Even for the women and girls he claims to care so much about. He is telling himself that she is different because of her existence in relation to himself. He is desperately attempting to talk himself into seeing her as a human being instead of the object that all of the other males view her to be.

And he will fail. He will end up hating her, too.

He is unable to meet his own expectations and he will blame her for it.

This is patriarchy.


6 thoughts on “When he has a daughter. So he “understands”. But not really.

  1. Lol, a couple of examples of how males “understand” stuff when they have daughters etc:
    An xy colleague has 2 daughters. He was hoping that the 2nd kid would be male (prenatal sex determination is illegal here. There are ways to get it, but not too easy in cities, where doctors/radilogists are a bit scared of being caught & jailed & losing their license), but it ended up being a girl. Dude was deeply disappointed. To console himself, he *tries* to say “sour grapes” to sons, but miserably fails there too. (Once he somehow let it slip that his friends who had a son or 2 sons would make snide mocking remarks at him for not having a son. Then I realized that it was during those episodes that he’d come to me for a chat about women/girls’ welfare – in an effort to console himself after being mocked). One of those attempts happened again when we heard that another colleague had a daughter. He came to me & said with a lot of fervor, “It is a GOOD thing to have daughters!!”. I was like “Well, yes, true….. [but what is this dude saying that for..?]”. Then he opened his mouth & cleared all doubt: “Having a daughter means having much more responsibility on your shoulders. So, people will become more responsible in everything”. Ah, now I see. Same old dude. No sudden enlightenment or anything. Duh. All his attempts at looking positively at daughters fall flat like a bad pancake. This was one that somehow stuck to the top of my memory.

    And, there was one judge in one of our high courts who stated that rape is a heinous crime that deeply affects women because “the rape victim can’t get married, and for the rest of her life, she’d be deeply pained because of her inability to get married”. This is how XYs “understand” women’s issues.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. What an asshole! And he had no reservations about sharing that with a woman. What a dick.

      Males just refuse to appreciate us as human beings with our own merits, talents, strengths, they can only define us through their own lens, in relation to themselves, which is intellectually dishonest and just a fucking intelligence deficit. In other words, they are self absorbed, selfish babies.


      1. He ACTUALLY BELIEVED he was saying something POSITIVE! You could tell that very clearly from his tone, expression etc. He was clearly looking for some appreciation for his generosity towards women, and looked very disappointed when I did not respond.
        They are beyond repair.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Males are absent morals, they lack any kind of basic value system, as a result.

        He lacks the emotional intelligence to understand how what he was saying to you was sexist, misogynist and diminishing.

        You deserve better than that in your interactions with them, we all do. But they are incapable of positive change.


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