Everything to xy advantage.

This is a true story, told to me by my closest (in real life) friend. I am changing a few minor details and the names.

This is Kara’s story.

Kara is in her 40s, she has an adult son (20 years old) living with her. She works full time and has made an amazing recovery from ovarian cancer, although her self esteem was shattered in the recovery, cancer treatments took her teeth and she is no longer young and skinny. She really does look amazing, but she is very self conscious about having dentures, no matter how natural or flattering they appear.

Kara was afraid that no male would want her. So you can imagine how happy she was when she met Dick.

Dick is 3 or 4 years younger than Kara, and you won’t believe it, but healthy Dick, who has never had a serious health issue in his life, needed a little life assistance. He didn’t have a place to live, so Kara generously invited him to move in with her and her son. Dick didn’t have a car, and lacked the ability to finance one, so Kara helped him secure a loan to get one. In only her name.

Like so many dicks, Kara’s Dick was jobless, and remained that way for months. He was hurting, you see, being homeless and carless had been very difficult on his manly manFeels and surely, Kara understood that he needed time to recover from her purchasing a car for him and giving him a place to live. He needed to relax and unwind, so Kara purchased him a gaming console.

So for many months, Kara went to work at her full time job while dick sat in her house, that she paid rent on, while he used a car that she had purchased for him, playing a game console that she also purchased for him, eating food that she paid for, all so that he could attempt to gather his dainty manFeels and possibly begin to take care of himself.

Dick’s true nature began to show itself. He informed Kara that he is a MAN, and a MAN is always the KING of his house. In a MAN’s house, he is to be respected and obeyed.

(How do they think this? It honestly makes me laugh, like, he has a car, a roof, and a lot of luxuries because a woman is being exceptionally kind and generous. But he a MAN, lol.)

Kara eventually helps big MAN dick to get a job at her place of employment, which is a national corporation’s distribution center, and she even manages to get him onto the same (2nd) shift so that they can ride together, because by this time, the car that she purchased for him has broken down, and she can’t afford to pay to get it fixed while she is still paying the loan. Which is in her name.

A few months ago, when she got off work at 3 a.m., her car wouldn’t start. She needed a jump start, so she called my friend, waking her up, asking her to drive out to the distribution center and give her a jump, which my friend did. Imagine my friend’s surprise when she arrives, only to see dick sitting in the passenger seat, while the parking lot is emptying of all the 2nd shift employees. My friend asked Kara why she didn’t just stop and ask one of the many employees who were all leaving to give her a jump start, Kara told her that dick didn’t allow her to talk to males that she didn’t know.

Apparently, dick didn’t like talking to anyone he didn’t know, either, because I can’t understand why HE didn’t ask someone. I mean, he is the MAN, it’s 3 a.m. and the car he was in wouldn’t start.

But he told Kara to call her female friend. At 3 a.m.

This was the entirety of this story, as far as I knew, for the last few months. It’s just one in a million, nothing new to see here.

Until a few weeks ago, on an early Sunday morning.

When dick almost killed Kara.

My friend went to bed on a Saturday night, only for Kara to call her early Sunday morning, before sunrise, asking to come to my friend’s house to sleep on her couch.

It seemed that dick, being a MAN, and all, had exerted his MANliness all over Kara, so much so that when the police arrived, they immediately took her to the hospital. The police took pictures of all the bruises on her neck, where dick had strangled her, they took pictures of her bruised arms, her black and blue face, her black eye.

It was chaotic, when the police arrived, no doubt. And you would think, with Kara’s injuries being so severe, that dick would have immediately been arrested.

Right?

You would be wrong.

Confused? Allow me to fucking explain.

Kara went to the hospital thinking that dick would be arrested, after all, her injuries left no question of what happened. I don’t know if dick admitted what he did, or not, it shouldn’t matter because they were the only 2 people in Kara’s house.

Imagine Kara’s shock when the police brought her home and the dick that had just attempted to kill her was still in her house. The police officer with her assured her that dick would be arrested, that justice takes time, did she have somewhere else that she could stay?

So she drives herself, in her condition, to my friend’s house, where she relates the story, and we find out how dick evaded arrest.

Kara says that when the police show up, dick begins saying something like this…

I’M AFRAID OF ALL THESE WHITE COPS IN MY HOUSE, YOU AIN’T GONNA SHOOT ME, ARE YOU? THIS IS HOW BLACK MEN DIE.

Dick. Black xy to the white cops after attempting to murder white girlfriend

I CAN’T LEAVE, I AM A MARGINALIZED OPPRESSED BLACK MAN, WHERE AM I GONNA GO???

Same dick. To the same white cops.

The thing about this that sticks out to me is his use of “marginalized” and “oppressed”. While you and i use these terms pretty frequently, my southern friends do not. These words are not common in my friend’s vernacular, she is no idiot, not by any means, but she was struggling to tell me what was said and it took a few minutes of me questioning her about why anyone in this scenario was referencing anything about margarine.

This obvious male reversal was enough to get dick off the hook.

The following Monday, Kara called the police department to find out when dick was going to be arrested, they told her that the cop responsible for obtaining the warrant was not in, that she should call back. By Tuesday afternoon, they told her that the case had been “closed”.

She had immediately began attempting to get a restraining order, only to be told that she could ask male power for one on the following Monday, which was over a week later.

At some point, my friend couldn’t contact Kara and she was concerned, so she began to call a few police officers with whom she is acquainted, at least 2 were family members, all male.

These police males, these gReaT pRoteCtORs were off work, or not in their office, or she should call the county, or she should call the city, or she shouldn’t worry about it because the police are obviously aware.

In other words, male power did the common, most frequently used male skill of not giving a shit.

This was, somehow, shocking to my friend. Kara turned up, and she was safe, and when i tell you that he almost killed her, that’s an accurate assessment.

And male police do not care.

This is all that i know, so far.

My friend and i speak almost daily, but our conversations have been about other things, about how we are both struggling to pay huge power bills, about how her daughter has contracted covid, but her 2 toddler sons have not, about how she had to break up with her current boyfriend because he repeatedly called her a liar and a whore.

And her time is spoken for, she has 4 adult children, one with toddlers, one who is pregnant and planning a wedding, and she is a most excellent friend. She will always come in an emergency. Always.

I talk about this stuff all of the time, about systemic oppression, about women and girls. You can imagine how fun i am at parties.

I was physically with her, when she was telling me about how she couldn’t get a police officer, ANY police officer to check on Kara, and she paused, looking particularly troubled, deep in thought, and i asked her what was wrong.

You know that moment? I don’t know if everyone has one, but i surely did. It’s that moment, in your mind, where it’s like a key has finally fit the lock, and the door swings open, and you can finally see, as everything begins to slip into place.

She told me that she is beginning to see what i have been talking about for all these months. On a social and systemic level. I am paraphrasing, but you get the gist.

I have no interest in educating anyone, I don’t consider myself to be smarter than anyone else, but i do talk about what i see, and our position within it. Whatever it is. And it’s no coincidence that a black xy will begin to cry racism to his advantage, and it’s no surprise that his white brothers will protect him and help him escape consequences of his chosen terrorism against women.

It’s also no coincidence that Kara has a home that she has rented for over a decade, with only her name on the lease, and male law dictates that dick has the same rights to be there as she does, that she can use male law to evict him, and that takes money and a minimum of 30 days. Even when he has attempted to kill her.

Like most of us, she can’t afford to pay rent on 2 places.

That is also no accident.

With no place else to go, she can assert her “right” to stay in the house that she is paying for, with the dick that tried to kill her, where he can conveniently finish the job, or where he can be on his best behavior, he can apologize, he can cry and promise never to hurt her again, he can wax poetic to her about how he lost his temper because he is just a poor, little, defenseless, broken, sad little marginalized, oppressed male in a white supremacy, and he can talk about how her white power has broken his male spirit and that she is one of his oppressors, so of course, he can try to forgive her for being white and lording all that white power over him.

Do you see it?

Males have a hierarchy. And in the USA, white males are definitely at the top. We definitely have white MALE supremacy.

ALL MALES ARE ABOVE ALL WOMEN AND GIRLS.

We are the pile beneath the feet of the males. Males are standing on our backs. ALL OF THEM.

This is how patriarchy works.

Jayne