Recently, I was chatting with 2 women that i know, both about my age (50), when the subject of body hair came up.
I stopped shaving years ago. I just didn’t want to, anymore. And i have almost no body hair, which i think is a function of age, it seems to be a common occurrence, after menopause, of body hair thinning.
It may be thinning, and much less than i was younger, but it’s still there. And I live in the deep south, summers are incredibly hot, i wear a lot of tank tops.
When the subject of body hair came up, i said that i hadn’t shaved in years, and one of the women asked me to lift my arm so that she could see.
So i did.
The woman who had asked me to lift my arm started to laugh, the second woman asked why the laughter, the first woman, while laughing, said “look, she has little deodorant balls in her armpit hair, hahahaha.”
And then they were both laughing. And it somewhat hurt my feelings, as well as confused me.
What was so funny? That there was visible evidence of hygiene? That you could see that i had put deodorant on that morning?
The conversation moved on, but the moment has stuck with me. Like the moment that another woman saw my leg hair, commented on it, and when i said that it wasn’t that thick (and it isn’t), she made a face of disgust and what seemed to be disdain before making a joke about a lawn mower or a weed wacker or something.
All of these women are Christians, by the way. Their asshole god supposedly created me and gave me body hair, which is so wrong and so bad that i need to be responsible for removing it so as not to offend other people with the hairy body that their dumbass god gave me.
The performance of “femininity”, of being “feminine” is based on a mountain of lies. Women have body hair. “Feminine” is removing that hair and calling it natural.
And this is what gripes me about “femininity” the absolute most (regarding appearance). That “masculine” is as one is born, “feminine” is changing everything about your appearance because your natural, unadulterated appearance is WRONG.
In other words, males are born with the default body, the good body, the superior body, the CORRECT body, the xy body needs minimal attention, just regular hygiene and maintenance.
The female body is the outlier, the wrong body, the lesser body, the body that needs to be constantly changed, the body that requires hair removal, cosmetics, ornaments, accoutrements, from the inside out. The males exist in a state of relaxed being, while we must be dainty, we must not take up too much space, we must not be too tall, we must not talk too loud, move too fast, we must paint our faces, do unending things to our hair, not have body hair, not be fat, etc.
It’s exhausting. And unnecessary.
And it’s a lie. And the lie benefits the males. ALL OF THEM.
And these gender dictates differ, but are universal. Universally, globally, women and girls must adjust ourselves around the males so that the males retain their control over us. In some places, the males dictate we cover our bodies, that we keep our hair covered, in other places, we must wear a bra to keep our breasts from appearing in their natural state. Some of us must remove body hair, or paint our faces.
And every bit of this is created and enforced by the males, in order to keep us subjugated to them.
And some of us have internalized this unnatural male order, and we police each other into compliance to the gender dictates of males.
Gender is a social role. It is a PERFORMANCE. And that performance has nothing to do with me being an adult human female.
“Feminine” is the performance of gender. Performing a role, a “feminine” role, has no effect on biological reality.
Patriarchy has done a very good job of attaching the “feminine” social role to existing as an adult human female…
In a nutshell – regardless of our biological sex, we all have a mix of masculine and feminine energy, and we need both in our daily lives. Masculine energy is characterized by DOING and achieving and is molded by logic and reason. The feminine is more intuitive, oriented towards receiving and allowing, and characterized by BEING.
Link directly above
There is no “masculine” energy, there is no “feminine” energy. There is only energy. If I am “achieving” or “doing”, this is just me doing these things while existing as a woman. Patriarchy has assigned “masculine” to these things in a largely successful effort to falsely make it seem as if males are superior, by virtue of being male.
Who wants to be “receiving” and “allowing “? Who wants to be acted upon? And who is doing the acting?
We live in a world that values doing and achieving above all else…
Same link, directly above
…and this is no accident.
(As an aside, this is where transvestites draw their “girldick” bullshit. To males, “feminine” is exactly the same as FEMALE, as receiving, as allowing, as BEING. The “feminine” performance is exactly the same as being female, therefore, when a male PERFORMS “femininity”, he must be female.)
Being male (masculine) is valued above all else, and males have insured that we cannot embrace or naturally enact achieving, doing, and when we do these things, they put us back into our place by calling us unfeminine, unladylike, implying that our independence (freedom from dependence on males) is unnatural.
How very fucking convenient. For the males.
Gender is a myth. It’s a lie. Every bit of it is bullshit.
And when we do recognize gender for the invisible, male imposed prison that it is, we simply must be made to stay inside of the “femininity” cell. We can reject the prison. But we are still trapped inside of it.
Recently, the YouTube channel, of herbs and alters, showed up on my page, with the video entitled TikTok’s Dark Femininity: How to Become an Abuser’s Worst Nightmare.
A short summary is that “Dark Femininity” is a woman who is independent and without need of a male. A woman who is self sufficient, strong, and enjoys being single is “darkly feminine”.
Being able to avoid male abuse by recognizing the signs and walking away is something dark, something odd, something that could be considered to be NOT properly “feminine”.
Whatever a woman does or does not do must be somehow framed to fit into her mandatory social role of “feminine”.
Individual women who have broken bonds with males, who manage to live without males, who refuse to be dependent on males, Individual women who find power in focusing on themselves and putting themselves first must NOT be viewed as being (at least partially, individually) liberated from male terrorism.
These women are just practicing “Dark Femininity”.
It’s so dark. It’s forbidden. It’s somehow WRONG, to be on the dark side of the “femininity” gender role.
Even when we gain a little bit of freedom and autonomy for ourselves, our peace must be named by males, to fit the male worldview, to keep us in the invented gender role of “femininity”, to keep us and our experiences as being defined by the males.
I am not performing “feminine”, I am not performing “dark femininity”. I avoid males because of who they are and who they show themselves to be.
Jayne
RadFemSpiraling 
“The performance of “femininity”, of being “feminine” is based on a mountain of lies.”
And the entirety of human existence seems to be founded upon this mountain of lies. Just try imagining what life and civilization might look like without this: divisions, limitations, restrictions, all imposed to benefit who exactly. How much of what you know and see around you would simply vanish without this lie? And the violence and suffering perpetuated by it.
“Gender is a myth. It’s a lie. Every bit of it is bullshit.” And if you reject it, you know, personal agency and all that, you cannot escape it being imposed upon you at every turn. And the entrenched global systems, created and perpetuated by patriarchy, have proven so destructive to humans and all other living beings that it is difficult to avoid despair. Once you see its web of interconnections it is something you can never unsee.
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THANK YOU! Finally, someone with sense! I’m so glad that we share the same viewpoints.
I hate constantly hearing about these gendered energies and have always thought that it was BS. It’s definitely a way to reinforce stereotypes and male control, and so if a woman achieves or does anything, she’s deemed as being too masculine and therefore she can be blamed for the demise of her relationships or the government can take away her ability to do anything in society (as we have seen in the past and the world over).
I also notice that in many places I see, femininity always seems to be associated with promiscuity, which really annoys me because it’s not accurate at all.
I also notice how men’s ‘logic’ is very inconsistent and tenuous at best and extremely self-reinforcing.
I have seen arguments made by men to say that men’s compassion is somehow better than women’s, because women are biologically predisposed to not be violent and to be compassionate, meaning that their compassion is literally the product of biology whereas men’s compassion is more ‘spiritual’ because it’s something he has to consciously choose to do.
Yet throughout all of history, whenever women try to do something outside of their societally deemed role, they’re told that they must conform because they’re biologically suited to being a babymaker and should never be seen in public; if a woman wants to step into a ‘man’s sphere,’ no one considers that perhaps her input is superior to that of a man’s because of the same reasoning in the previous paragraph.
Even this quote:
“The reasonable man adapts himself to the world: the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.” ― George Bernard Shaw, Man and Superman
Yet progress never depends on ‘unreasonable woman,’ who is labelled as crazy for not wanting to shave her armpits for the rest of her life or be told to stay in the box that the men have put her in. But beards are cool and ruggeded and masculine if men choose to not shave them.
Those women you mentioned are literally the soulless moulds of male ideaology. I bet they’re the type of women who can’t imagine existence without being attached to a man telling them what to do with their life.
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I am an “unreasonable woman”, i know lots of unreasonable women, you seem to be an unreasonable woman, too. And i am happy to meet you. 😊
Promiscuity is definitely attached (by males) to femininity performance, and so is virginity. (Like all femininity dictates, there’s no middle ground, only extremes, we have 2 choices, we are either (viewed by males) as a virgin or as a whore). Masculine (males) is not defined by these things at all.
That also goes back to troons, who dress as “whores”, which is a male invented category, and claim that the performance of femininity makes them female. The vast majority of them aspire to be willing, accepting, acted upon, submissive fuckholes, they dress to perform that specific role, and claim that magically turns them into a woman because that is who we are, in their worldview.
I am no male’s submissive fuckhole, and no woman aspires to that. But this is what they think of us, nevertheless.
Males don’t possess logic or reasoning. It’s a reversal. The only tool in the male toolbox is violence and threat of it. All history bares this out.
And doesn’t “dark femininity” sound familiar? When women become too independent from xy domination, males name it, in order to eradicate it. Women who lived alone, without males, or only with each other have been noticed by males before. They named us then, too. Then they wrote a book based on their hatred of us, went to their xy churches and their xy legal authorities and had us murdered by their male state.
We were once burned at the stake for being “darkly feminine”. Back then, they called us witches.
Males are taking us to a very dire place. Their history repeats. I hope every day that we choose to fight it.
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I hope the woman who saw the light a few days back (when “Kara” was assaulted) wasn’t one of these two airheads.. (yeah, airheads. They may be nice at other times, and might even have a good heart – I don’t know. But the woolly brain simply shows through in the way they behaved now.. They may not be “bad”, but seem to be hopelessly stupid..). I mean, after no less than 50 (F.I.F.T.Y) years of life on earth, if this is all the learning they have gained, it is pathetic. It is like repeating a year at school 10 times and still not managing to pass.
I really admire how you manage to keep your sanity & brains intact with these people around.
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She was one of the women. But that was months before what happened with Kara.
Also HI FIRE HOW ARE YOU, MY DEAR SISTER❤️❤️❤️❤️
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I’m fine by God’s Grace, dearest sis!! (I add God’s Name to keep away evil… especially when we say something good or feel happy for something. I know you hear it too many times from horrible or hopeless people & it must be exasperating for you. I’m not superstitious (trust me:D), but this belief or precautionary measure is kind of embedded in my mind..).
And I’m amazed how you manage to work a fulltime job, maintain a blog, a youtube channel, an odysee channel, respond to comments, care for a super-active puppy that is very young and keeps getting into trouble, and maintain a home….. I don’t know if you realize that such talent isn’t common.. (I’m wondering if you sleep at all! But then, you are too sharp – so, your brain isn’t sleep deprived.. Hmm.. May be is the earth somehow rotating slower around your place, giving you more time? 😀 If that is not the case, I think, one day, you need to give us some lessons in time management & in getting work done:) )
Please do take care of yourself! XOXO
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Please, don’t ever apologize to me for your faith or expression of it. There is a WORLD of difference in your religious practices and the practices of those around me.
As always, thank you for the encouragement. I needed it today. 🥰😘
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XO sis!
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As the ex-wife of a man who thinks he’s a woman, I’ve been thinking for 3 decades now about this. Because I was a dancer for the first 10 years of our 16 year marriage, and I now know he got narcissistic fuel from watching me in a leotard on stage, dancing my heart out. I think that’s why it took 25 years to get the 11 best photos of me dancing into a professional frame now hanging at the end of the hallway in my little house. I never thought of my movements, my energy, my choreography or my appearance as “female energy,” for someone else to hoover up. (pun intended, considering your vacuum story)
Have you noticed how men typically insert themselves (pun intended, again) into female groups, celebrating the moon, trying to deal with bad boyfriends, pregnancy, lactation, menopause or whatever? There’s the men who come around, like my Uncle Bill, (otherwise totally dominated by my Aunt Birdene) saying some stupidness about our clothes, our talk, the volume of it, whatever he could pull out of his scroll of negativity–and there’s the Neddies, the ex-husbands who think they “belong” with us.
I just came back from a haircut in a wonderfully female environment, the owner and my hairdresser glowing after getting review copies of my memoir, In the Curated Woods. They understand that if they have a “Neddy” scheduled (they can’t shut these guys out) they won’t schedule me that day. I call that kindness. “Being Kind,” meanwhile, has become its own far-out constellation. Little do the Neddies of the world know that when they take Finasteride to avoid “male pattern baldness” (also partnered as a drug, with the T, in mixed-up girls, no research of any kind on what it does to them) they are risking PFS, Post Finasteride Syndrome, there’s a foundation–the symptoms don’t stop when you stop the drug. Meanwhile, she told me my hair looks better and thicker than last time, what have I been doing? Nothing. I’ve been aging just one day every day. Hair, teeth, skin–they all tell the story. Thanks, Jayne.
Ute Heggen
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HOOVER 😆
You just reminded me, my mother had 2 close friends, and my father referred to them as “the butt sisters”. Just to be an asshole.
In my (admittedly limited) observations, males are always miserable, and that is especially true with the troons. I am sure that your ex-husband is living the miserable, pathetic existence that he is unable to escape that he actively creates for himself while blaming everyone else for it. And you are thriving. I hope you are proud of your progess, you absolutely should be.
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If a male is being abusive near me/ to me, all I need is a weapon so I won’t over exert myself while taking care of business. I have done this several times in my life. Of course, staying away from them in general is the best course of action, but for the ones you may still have around in your life until you don’t, weapons, even a chair or small saucepan, will be just fine. I don’t need any herbs or an alter (unless of course it can be used as a weapon) lol! Of course the state took my guns away—so I don’t have one of those anymore—-but if one happens to be around somewhere, I’ll do the time.
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My first husband was so abusive and violent. For whatever reason, the last time he hit me, he made the mistake of coming at me while i was using a shop vac.
He didn’t expect me to fight back, because I usually didn’t (i did bloody his lip, once, in the middle of one of his violent rages where he had been punching me in the face and pulling my hair, but he punished me, for that, so i was slow to react, again), but i had had enough and i went upside his ugly ass head with the shop vac.
He literally started crying because his head was bleeding, lol. And he was crying, weeping, saying “I can’t believe you hit me”. The shock on his face was almost comical.
He left a few days later, i guess i made him feel unsafe, lol. And that was the end of that.
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That is the solution. They only understand physical pain and with the exception of the masochistic ones, they don’t fucking like getting the shit knocked out of them, or getting stuck with a meat fork, or kicked in the chest….I grew up with abusive asshole parents and I didn’t like that. I asked one of these enema bags what made him think I’d put up with that shit from him when I wouldn’t put up with it from my parents at that age? We also lived in a neighborhood with a lot of violent kids—so you had to put up with that bullshit, too. So, I learned to do what I needed to do.
And I know what you mean about that whiny, shocked look they get. They don’t expect to get their asses handed to them. I am not having any of that shit. I don’t like the physiological change (rage) I have to experience at my age, either, so I have a zero tolerance policy, lol!
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It’s astounding how reason, logic, literally nothing is understood by the males. Only violence.
And one aspect of “femininity” is the be kind, speak softly, as if we can perform “feminine” in just the right way, to make the male choose to leave us alone. And i say FIGHT BACK. Males perpetuate passivity as a big part of femininity performance not because passive behavior may stop a violent male from choosing violence, but because it makes us easier targets upon which to enact the violence.
A violent male that has chosen violence has already decided what he will do. We can only decide how difficult we can make his choice. Make it difficult enough, he will back down, violence is the tool of the weak and stupid.
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I’m so glad you made him feel unsafe, LOL 😂
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I wish that all males felt unsafe around me. That would be my superhero power. If i could choose one. 😆
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Wow! You hit it out of the park!
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Thank you, Holly, and welcome to the blog 😊
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